


The reserve student

by FernShaw



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caretaking, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, High School, Hope's Peak Academy, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Major Illness, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:28:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 33,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernShaw/pseuds/FernShaw
Summary: Nagito always saw the same boy hanging out with his class. A stupid reserve student. But one day, that boy acted in an unusual way. And even if he didn't mattered to him, nagito decided to follow him to understand what was happening.The situation happened to be something much worse than what he expectedAnd for once in his life, Nagito started to care about someone again, even if his live was close to its end.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 186
Kudos: 359





	1. Chapter 1

It was just a Friday like all the others. It's been about four months since Nagito arrived at Hope's peak and everyone began to have some small routines before then weekend. Souda was trying to get Sonia to visit the city with him on the weekend (she usually accepted but also brought Gundam with her, which seemed to be unpleasant for the pink-haired teen ), Fuyuhiko and Peko were chatting a bit with Ibuki trying to spy on them, Akane usually hanged out with a younger girl that was always eating donuts and the others were discussing together near a fountain, some small talks that usually resulted in a way or another to a bug collective laugh. Nagito wasn't the type to stick with anyone but liked watching them, just to study how the Ultimates were able to create bonds that resulted in a wonderful hope. They asked him more than once to hang around them but he always refused, reminding them his feelings : "I'm not as powerful as you Ultimates. I'm just a mere stepping stone. I'm not worthy enough to be with you all." Which only lead the group to think he was weirder than they thought.  
To tell the truth, Nagito always wanted to spend time with them. He liked his class, for the bottom of his heart. He just had this constant feeling that he didn't worth anything. His luck circles were the ultimate proof that he shouldn't hang around others, anyway. So he just standard there, watching them laugh about anything until the sun comes down. After that, most of them went home or to a place that felt safer. A young person at night is vulnerable. Even the best athletes there were couldn't see some predator lurking in the darkness, and everyone wanted to protect everyone. Only one person left earlier. An anomaly.  
After spying the group a few times Komaeda noticed a pattern : someone he didn't knew kept coming to the group like it was nothing. First, Chiaki brought them. He was a bit shy and only listen without really talking, but soon enough, he was considered a part of the group and talked with them like he knew the Ultimates for all his scholarship.  
The first logic thought Komaeda had was that he was a senior, so he searched and searched but nothing came out. He then deduced that he might be someone too young to take classes at Hope's peak and he was waiting to go with the ones he belonged with. But one day he saw it. He saw him. He was stepping out of the main course's building. He was a mere reserve student. A good for nothing, talentless, hopeless reserve student. He did asked Chiaki about him, and she talked about him like a really good person, cheerful and intelligent man, that always brought happiness to the ones he loved. Bullshit. He wasn't talented, ho could he even make an ultimate smile. He couldn't get it, he just couldn't get it. 

But that day, it was different. The Ultimates were doing their usual things but not him. The reserve student was slowly walking down the big path that led to the green-ish portail of the school. He had a small envelope between his shaking hands, his skin tone was white-ish and his eyes were filled with tears that he refused to let fall, probably due to a matter of sort kind of pride that only talentless people had. He didn't said hello to the Ultimates, the only thing coming out of his open mouth was an heavy breathing, directly related to an obvious psychological damage. Nagito kept watching but didn't act. It had nothing to do with him. What kind of stupid problem a mere reserve student could have anyway ? Did his girlfriend broke out with him ? Maybe he got a bad grade ? Come on. Get over it, you should already be happy that you're alive, you worthless being. Nagito didn't care. He couldn't care less. But still, he got up and slowly followed the boy.

He wasn't trying to hide the fact that he was followed him. He wasn't making sure he noticed him either, he was not curious about the situation nor bored. He just felt like he had to follow that young man. And Nagito always trusted his instinct. Sometimes it brought a lucky situation, sometimes it was just pure bad luck. But because his bad luck always reversed to greater luck later, he was fine with it anyway. The young boy didn't noticed that he was followed at all. He was clearly lost in his thoughts, he tripped multiple times in his way and walked straight into a tree because he was only looking at his feet. He didn't even had a reaction for destroying his head on the wood, he just stumbled down a bit then got back to walking straight. The more Komaeda looked at the boy the more he felt like he was nothing like an ultimate, but he wanted to look at him more. He clearly wasn't really attractive and had no special detail that deserved a closer look, but Nagito wanted to learn more about him for some unknown reasons. After a good 45 minutes walk, the boy stopped in front of a pretty old building. He entered it and Nagito just stood there, left behind. He had no good reason to wait but he felt like it was the best idea. After all, there was a bus stop nearby and his house wasn't that far from here. So he waited, only a few minutes in fact. The reserve student came out with a small bag on his back, still with the same ill look. He sighed, sat on the stairs in front of the building and started crying. True tears of pure distress. The ones he had been keeping for all this time couldn't stay eternally in his body. He was sobbing like a child, not being able to hold anything anymore.  
After a minute, Nagiro's body started to move on its own. His body wasn't his anymore, but his subconscious'. His lips started moving and something came out of it. Something he didn't really expected.

"Do you need any help ?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this first chapter, I really hope you appreciated it !  
I had this fix idea for a while now and I already wrote a few chapters already. From now on there will be a new chapter every sunday !


	2. Chapter 2

What the actual fuck. Why did he say that. He didn't care about him, he was ... Crap he was just a pile of trash, just like him ! Like ... Him ... No. No no no. It was too late anyway. He asked something and now he had to learn that his actions had consequences. 

"Who ... Are you ?"

"I'm Nagito Komaeda, one of the students of the class you usually hang out with."

"Why are you here ...?"

His voice was low and distorted, he was clearly really afraid of who was in front of him. No. He was scared of pretty much everything there were around him. He was like a mouse that lived inside a cage all of its life being suddenly put in a forest. Helpless, afraid and lost. 

"I saw your face when you got our of the school. Clearly you weren't doing well and I thought that someone so happy like being in this state was the sign of something really important happening."

It wasn't a lie. Nagito didn't followed him for that reason but clearly it was something more than unusual to see. He read books that when someone is sad he usually is looking for company from friends or family to get better but he seemed to be avoiding the ones he loved, which was apparently a symptom of something much more important on somebody's life. Still, he followed him because he was just curious. 

"... I see ..."

"Again, are you looking for help ?"

"Sorry but I don't think you can help me since you're a student too ... I've been kicked out of my apartment because I couldn't pay my rent this month and now I have nowhere to live since it was the cheapest I could find on this city ..."

"So now you're homeless, huh ?"

"... Yes. But it won't last, I guess I'll just have to leave Hope's Peak and come back to my parents' house. It's just ... Hopeless."

That was it. Nagito didn't want to do anything with a worthless reserve student. But did it worth shattering this hope ? No.

"So that's why they like you too. You aren't as worthy but you do have the same spirit, even if you don't wish to imitate them."

"Huh ..? Wh-"

"Come with me. You need help ? I'll help. Just stay quiet, don't ask any questions and follow me."

The student seemed surprised but didn't seemed reluctant either. He sighed with a resilient look on his face, bowed, took his small bag and started to follow Nagito. The white haired boy didn't know what to think of the whole situation, but he didn't had a terrible day at school, so this should be a thing related to good luck. Maybe the fact that he could save a small hope made him feel less insignificant, even if it still was someone even less worthy than him. Both quickly got to the nearest bus stop and went into the first bus that came. They had no discussion in the whole ride, Hajime just looked at his helper from time to time, trying to get a picture of what kind of person he was. Nagito was always a bit cryptic to others. His jacket was old and a bit loose but he wore it pretty everyday because he liked it. It was one of the little creations he had to do in art class a few years before and for once, he felt proud of something he did and never let go of it. His jeans and shirt were pretty normal, nothing out of the norm. The pocket watch in his pants have him an old-styled look, but the little silver skull attached to it didn't felt out of place. His face looked tired. Not tired as not enough sleep, more "tired of everything that ever happened in my godamn life". At last, his white hair was a mess, with a feeling of "I've never brushed my hair in my entire life". It felt like his color was a dye but it was completely natural. The chemotherapy and multiple brain diseases the poor boy had severly affected his hair loss, and stress didn't helped for the color once it grew back. So here was the portait of the young boy the reserve student had to follow for some reasons. It wasn't like he wasn't aware that it might be a mistake. In fact, he was pretty sure it the person he followed wasn't as nice as he seemed. But that was the whole point. If he was right, he was probably going to die or be forced to do something he was supposed to do before anyway. He was fired for not wanting to do it and in the end, he decided it would be better if he offered himself to someone he had just met. How pitiful. And if he was wrong, well ... He couldn't tell what should he do. Was this guy going to gave him shelter ? He still didn't have any way to pay for food. How could a student pay for two mouthes when it's so difficult to even pay yourself a proper alimentation ?

"Hey, we're here."

The bus stopped in front of a weird alley covered with a bunch of houses with futuristic designs. Cubic forms with large metal parts, rooms entirely made of glass that seemed to be floating over the other houses, twisted-like small buildings with way too many windows ... After a few minutes of walking, the white haired boy stopped in front of the biggest house of the place. It was mainly made out of metal parts, with little glass parts for what he assumed were windows. The place hadn't any garden but inside of it you could easily discern a pool and a bunch of exotic plants in pots. Even with this kind of neighborhood it felt way too luxurious.

"That's it. That's the place. C'mhere, it's pretty cold out there. Me not caring about you doesn't mean that I want to see you freeze to death. "

The brown haired boy stopped at "not caring". He didn't know what to think of the whole situation, even if he was still going to stay with him. He did want him to stay on the house right ? That might not be to save him but he should at least care about him if he wants to use him ? Maybe he doesn't care about his health as long as he wasn't going to die. That's it. He wanted to kill him. With his own hands. Or maybe the people in the house wanted some kind of slave ? That's why he didn't care, he was none of his business now. That's-

"Here. Sooo ... I'm not sure about how should I act right now, I don't get to invite people often, especially strangers but... I guess make yourself confortable ? Shit ... I shouldn't be so caring about a reserve student ... Errrh just don't break anything I guess. That should be it."

"T-that's your parents' house ? Woaw, I didn't thought you were, you know... This kind of student. Sons of rich families usually don't even bother to go to the kind of streets I live in."

"Oh no, I don't think you get it. This is MY house. I just bought it for my scholarship at Hope's peak because I didn't want to think about paying a rent everything month or so. I usually forget a lot of things so it was better to just buy something."

"I- ... I thought you were an high school student ! How can you buy a whole house yourself ?!"

The young man's whole body was shaking. With his work, he did met some powerful people that easily throw money at everything, but they were old mans that worked as heads of immense companies. Even kids of cray rich people didn't get enough money to buy houses. Especially big houses near one of the biggest cities of Japan. 

"I know a piece of trash like me doesn't seem able to do anything right but I can't exactly help it, since my parents are actually more bones than anything else and no one in the family wanted to take care of me. I got their heritage and won a few lotteries so I gotta do something with the money, ya know."

Hajime was shook. The boy just told him that he was basically a billionaire and that his parents were dead like some kid telling his parents he saw a cat today. It was the most disturbing thing he ever heard. 

"So I'm gonna be clear about one thing. I don't see why the Ultimates like you so much. You're a reserve student. I despise reserve students. For me, you're just a bunch of dogs trying to stay with the wolfes by paying a lot of money because you think that wolfes are awesome. They are. But you will never be a wolf. Still, there is something that I see in you that I'm interested in. That's why-"

"Don't worry, I get it. Pretty much everyone knows about the rumors after all. I swear, if you help me stay in Hope's peak, I'll do everything you want... Please I'm begging you. I know the hopes are I have are too big for a reserve student but ... Theses friends are all I have."

And after this last sentence, the young boy started to get his tie off in a pretty much robotic way. His shirt followed quickly, everything was put in a small pile right next to him until the young man was completely naked, standing in front of the shocked student with blurry eyes and a fake smile on his lips.

"Please. Use me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean I said that I'll post on sundays ? Hahaha ... I'm just weak, I wrote a lot this week and I want people to see it.  
So yeah this chapter is bigger than the others but ... We're finally getting in the trauma ~


	3. Chapter 3

"Please. Use me."

Nagito had no idea what did he just witnessed. A body without any emotions was standing in front of him, just waiting for something. Something that he did not expected nor wanted. His skin was covered with scars and bruises, most of them looking pretty fresh. He smiled but everything else belonging to him screamed that he needed serious mental and medical help.

"... Please put back your underwear and follow me."

The student didn't make any noise nor had any reaction. He just nodded and executed the order. Nagito brought him to his bathroom, where he told him to sit on a small chair. He then opened a gigantic drawer, filled with all sort of medical material. After a few minutes of searching, he came next to the student with a multitude of products in his arms and started to put different products on his injuries. His body shook at every little thing Nagito did with it, trembling but trying his best to look fine.

"If you feel like yelping, screaming or just even talking, just do it. It'll probably be less painful for both of us, trust me."

At theses words, he saw the one he was helping completely shatter in front of him. Tears rolling down his cheeks, pressing his arms to his chest, breathing heavily.

"It ... Hurts..."

The last time Nagito cared about a living being without thinking of his status was years ago. His dog was the only being until then that he liked no matter what, and that he helped no matter what. After the death of his parents, Nagito had stopped showing affection with good treatments. Instead, he decided that he'll admire people. Because admiring doesn't mean that he cared about them as people close to him. And if nobody was close to him, nobody would get hurt ever again. And still, the fragile human being he'd just met made him forget about it. He wanted to care. For once he didn't want to hear about talent, but only about hope. This young man had his hopes shattered and needed help. And he was going to bring it.

After finishing to apply all the products and bandages to the injuries, Nagito got up and started to put everything back in place.

"Do you ... Hurt yourself a lot ?"

"I would like to but I can't. I have a cancer so my immune system is down and I could get killed by a cold. If I have that many treatments it's because I can't let myself get hurt, not bleed too much. Doctors said I might get a leucemia if I don't treat my wounds well, and one cancer is enough for me."

"I ... Huh ..."

"Don't mention it. So huh ... Do you ... Maybe you ..." Nagito sighed. He really wasn't at ease with the situation. Not only he wasn't used to relationships but he had no idea how to take care of someone that was not only hurt physically but also emotionally. Hell, he usually was the one that should have been treated with more care. "Maybe you'd like to have so food ? It's already late and I'm guessing that it would be better to get something to give you energy to recover."

Again, no answer except a small nod. Nagito got up, making sure that his new protégé was following him. He quickly made him sit down on his couch and grabbed the phone. The student wasn't the type to eat enough everyday and collapsed more than once in class because of it. No one was reminding him to get breakfast nor dinner so he usually forgot about it. But when he did remembered it, he always called the same place. A small restaurant only a few blocks away, that had a pretty large variety of sushis and made pretty good katsudon. The whole staff knew about him, and he was pretty sure he was 50% of their incomes, always taking expensive food and giving pretty big tips. As always, Nagito stopped himself to ever show affection to any of the employees, but he still often got little gift with his meals.

"I took us some sashimis, rice, katsudon and a few kuzamochis. Are you okay with that ?"

"...Thank you."

"I didn't ask you to thank me, I wanted to know if you were okay with what I'm offering you. And please don't say that you're okay with anything, if you don't like something don't you dare force yourself to eat."

"I'm sorry ... I ... Do really like mochis."

"Great."

Komaeda sat next to him, and slowly put his jacket over the other student's shoulders. A small voice in his head kept repeating that he wasn't worth it and that he shouldn't care about him but his instinct was screaming the opposite. And Komaeda always trusted his instinct. This man- ... He didn't even noticed that he hadn't asked his name yet. Yes, that should be a good start for a conversation, shouldn't it ?

"So uuuh ... What's your name ?"

"Hajime. Hajime Hinata."

Hajime's body started shaking a bit.

"If you don't want 'that', what do you want from me ...?"

"What ?"

"I think you don't understand. I really don't have any money right now. Only a few shirts and undergarments in my bag. I thought you were going to ... Like all of them ... That's always what they ask me, because 'I'm pretty'. Because that's all I am, pretty. I don't have anything else for me. So I'm asking you, what do you want from me if you're not interested to use me."

"Hey hey, calm down. Like I said, I literally don't need anything. I mean, if I wanted money I would just literally need to buy a lottery ticket. I could pay a rent for my whole class so that they could spend their entire life with all the luxuries they might want. So just feeding someone and giving them a shelter doesn't mean anything to me."

"But I still-"

"That's not it. If you want to know what I want from you, I'll go straight to the point. You are the most beautiful hope I've ever saw. And I want to see that hope of yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've literally finished writing chapter 10 an hour ago and I'm wayyy too impatient to wait two days to post something so here you go   
oh also, comments help me a lot to get motivation to write so if you have something to say, GO ON


	4. Chapter 4

Hinata's body was still shaking, not sure how to understand what he heard. Hope. He had shelter for his hope. Why ?! Is it his way to say that he wanted to crush his dreams ? Was he some kind of psychopath that love to see people to suffer ?! He only had one hope. To go meet with his friends again. He wanted to spend time with people he felt close to, not his classmates that only talked to him because he was pretty good with logic and maths. His hope was to be himself. That was one of the last things he wanted to keep.

"Please, please don't ! I just want to be with the others, I'm not like the others that just want to stay with Ultimates to be popular !! I just love them, they are the only friends I have, they're so gentle with me... That's all I'm hoping for, I just want to spend a normal happy life at Hope's peak not because I'm special but because I'm feeling at ease with them !! I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I would prefer to die than to stay there and not see them again !!"

Nagito was overwhelmed with the situation. That escalated quickly. Not only Nagito had no idea of how to calm Hajime down but he also was afraid of making him panick even more. As Hajime started to get in foetal position, Nagito started to shake as well. He had been in this situation. A trauma that was so powerful that it could destroy someone's sanity. But there is nothing you can do to calm down slowly. Nothing. You had to let it out. Because if you don't, your brain will start to transform this mental pain into health problem. Nagito was pretty understanding of the subject. His dementia was, according to the doctors, due to an overwhelming somatisation. Because Nagito kept his feelings to himself, nobody knew about his pain. And because nobody knew about his pain, his brain started to create another type of paint, that he couldn't ignore. So letting out stress was probably the best solution at the moment. So he watched the student breathing, trembling, crying only to starting feeling tears slowly falling of his eyes too. It lasted a few minutes, until Hajime noticed that he wasn't the only one was affected by the situation. He looked at the white haired boy that was just too overwhelmed to say anything, and slowly noticed that the heavy breathing in the room wasn't only his anymore. So he understood. He slowly did his best to breathe slowly. In. Out. In. Out. He slowly whipped his tears out of his face, and stopped shaking without even noticing it. Seeing the boy calm down, nagito felt relieved and smiled, even if his body was still pretty tired by the whole situation.

"I'm ... Sorry. I'm just ... I ... I overreacted. I don't know what to say ..."

"I uh ... It's okay. I guess I'm pretty at explaining my whole point of view of the things I see and ... Most people don't understand my way of thinking. I wasn't planning to do bad things to you at all, I was just ... Uuuh ... You know that feeling when you believe, no, you're sure that everything's going to be alright ? That's hope for me. And I think this is the most important thing in the world. Hope can overcome anything. As long as you're hoping for something you can go on in life. Because hope gives you a reason to live. It's the most powerful thing that exists for me and I think it's wonderful. The fact is ... It's hard for me to have hopes. I do have some but always I feel that they're not important. That's why I search the hope in others and do my best to see them grow. I'm willing to do anything for it. Usually I only see hope in talented people. Because they have talent they can imagine themselves with the brightest future and have hope for themselves. All the reserve students I've met 'til this day only had the same tasteless hope, not ever powerful, just here because it's something that "every human should have". They want power, money and don't research any talent. They're only interested in having more and more tasteless things. They want a big car because big car are liked by the others and that's all. They don't exist to be themselves. But I do know why you ... You feel different. You may not have talent but I feel like you're looking for one. You are looking for a purpose and this purpose will bring you hope. The most wonderful hope that I might see. So ... Please Hajime. I ... I want you to grow. I have now idea how but you will surprise me. I know it. Please let me help you. I don't want you to do anything, in fact, I am the one who will do everything for you. I would literally die to see you rise." 

Nagito finished his speech with a small bow. His eyes were submissive but very intense. He believed in what explained and the thing he wanted the most at the moment was that Hajime understand that. If he didn't, he might have another mental breakdown. And being as weak as he was, he would probably collapse if he cried again. Thankfully, his reaction was a bit better than he expected. 

"Woaw that's... That's certainly ... Something. I mean, it looks like you're genuine but I don't think I understand everything perfectly. So... Even so I will do my best. If in the end we both end up happy I can't see the problem and since you have a lot of money -even if I'm sure of how exactly you got that much- I don't think I will be a burden for you. At least I hope. But huuuh ... About the dying part, please don't. I really think everyone will be happier if you stay alive. Got it ?"

A little smile appeared on the lucky student's face.

"Got it."

A small ringing stopped their silence, and Nagito rushed to the door and quickly opened it.

"Hello mister komaeda, I have a few things for you."

"You were pretty fast today huh. Here. You can keep the 6000 yens off the bill, go on a date with your girlfriend or something like that with it."

"Thank you so much mister ! I sure will !"

"Y'welcome"

He came back with the food bag and opened in front of his new roommate. 

"Take what you want, I don't eat a lot."

Hajime clapper in hand together, bowed a little and closed his eyes

"Thanks for the food !"

He immediately grabbed his chopsticks and started eating like he haven't put anything in his mouth for days. Well, with his situation it wouldn't be surprising. Tears of joy slowly rolled on his cheeks as he weakly smiled, looking at komaeda like some kind of god, which made him blush a look away. After a few minutes, komaeda sighed and looked at Hajime right in the eyes.

"I know this might not be the best moment to ask but ... I prefer to settle things before you start, you know ... Living here. Do you ... Want to talk about "it" ?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, in case you haven't noticed yet, this fic will be a lot of angst in both Nagito and Hajime's side.  
Because both are just teens who don't have any ability to stop their overwhelming emotions.


	5. Chapter 5

"huh ?"

"Do you want to talk about how did you loose your job ? I mean, really I don't know, I'd just like to be sure if it is a sensitive subject or not. I mean ... If you don't want to talk about it it's okay but if you want to just let it out so you can vent a bit and feel better it's good too. It's better if we make sure to uuuh ... Understand each other ? So yeah. Gosh I'm bad at this, I guess that's why Soda always want me to shut up..."

"Oh ! It's ... It's... Well. I would love to say that it's not a big deal but I think it is. I'm more than ready to talk about it, I just ... Don't want to feel the things I've  
felt again if that's possible. But if I had to do it again I'm not sure about how would I react."

"How you would react ?"

"I mean I would do it again if it would help me stay in Hope's peak but ... It would probably be a lot more traumatizing after what happened."

"And ... What happened ?"

"I think I should give you a but of context before I start anything else ... You don't mind ?" 

"Of course not. Take your time."

"Good. So I ... I needed a job to pay my rent and my food to go to Hope's peak, since my parents are barely able to pay the school. And since I have no diploma I've thought of becoming a host ... You know, it's not that bad when you think about it. You just spend time with people that are lonely and want someone to talk to and that's it. Since I turned 18 just before entering Hope's peak it would have been perfect. I quickly got accepted to an host club and even if I wasn't one of the most popular boys of the club I still had a kind of decent paycheck. But a few more attractive guys got in the club and I got paid less. And to be more popular hosts usually sleep with their clients for free and ... I couldn't take the risk to get fired. And since I was the only boy who hadn't slept with any client in the club yet I just had to ... It ... It wasn't that bad at first. I mean, it wasn't pleasant either but most started gently but... It escalated quickly." Hinata's voice started to change a bit, his eyes becoming more and more wet "I don't know why but they ... They ... They thought that it was more fun if they started to beat me up ? I swear I didn't do anything, wrong I just ... Don't understand why !! Always, always, they just became more and more violent and I couldn't do anything because without any of them I ... I would have loose everything ! And they just ... Started to use ... And ... And ..."

Nagito slowly got close to Hajime, patting his back as gently as possible,trying his best to reassure him without having a bad reaction. Hinata finally stayed silent for a minute, took a deep breath and looked at the ground.

"One day I had enough. I told them to stop. I told them that I couldn't take it anymore. And he didn't listen, he just shoved me in his bed and while he approached me I ... Bit him. I bit him as hard as I could. It took me a minute for him to finally let me go but he did. He was bleeding everywhere. I just escaped of his appartement and I don't know what happened to him after that but with all of that blood I'm pretty sure he went to the emergency room. But I don't regret it. I don't regret anything that I did to him. He deserved it. He made me bleed a lot more than that. But my boss ... Didn't took it as an excuse and ... He called his boss."

"His boss ?"

"Yeah. The yakuzas. I ... I knew that the host club was the property of yakuzas but I wasn't expecting them to actually come to the business for a host like me ... Guess I should have thought about it. It's ironic heh ? I've never thought that defending myself would almost end my life."

"What ?!"

"They tried to drown me after beating me up and they almost succeeded... Almost is the key word. I tried to play dead until they thought I really was and it somehow worked. At the moment I wasn't sure if I was lucky I survived it not ... Thinking about my situation right now, I think I was. Thank you."

"...Who was it ?" 

"Who ?"

"The Yakuza who tried to kill you. Which clan was it ?" 

"I'm not sure you heard of them before ... It's the Inari clan. They are known to be pretty violent but only with civilians because they avoid any fight with other clans. I guess that's why they're not really well known by the public. I don't think any Yakuza clan would attack them because there will be no benefits ... I just hope that ... No one will live what I lived."

"I see... Thanks. for sharing with me."

"No. Thank you. For listening to me. I had no one I could have talked about this and it feels like I finally let out something that would have ended breaking from the inside. Really, really thank you."

After that last sentence, Hajime let out a Big yawn.

"I guess you're tired huh ? To be honest I am too."

"Yeah I am ... I probably need to get to bed a bit. I feel like I haven't slept in days."

"Come, I'll show you your room."

Hajime slowly got up to follow Nagito and almost immediately collapsed, his weak body not being able to take anything anymore. The white-haired boy rushed to his side, and did his best to take him in his arms in order to reach the room. 

"Anh ... I really hope you'll get better, I'm not- URGH... Not really with the ideal physique for this kind of situation."

"I'm ... Sorry"

"Don't be... Just ... Be careful next time."

Komaeda quickly put his new protégé in the bed of one of the numerous guest rooms of of the house. Apparently it felt good enough for him to fell asleep a second after that. Nagito looked at him one last time closed the door, and mumbled to himself.

"I know I shouldn't get attached but ... Fuck he's hot."

The lucky student was pretty tired too but decided that there was one thing that he should do before anything else. He grabbed his cellphone and immediately called someone.

"Who the fuck ?!"

"Hey uuuh ... Sorry to bother you Fuyuhiko but I have something really important to talk about right now."

"It's fucking 2 a.m Nagito. If you're here to talk to me about your fucking obsession I swear I'll ask one of my hitmans to blow your head up." 

"Don't worry it's nothing like that. It's just ... You know Hajime Hinata ?"

"Huh ? Of course. He's one of my best friends for fuck's sake. Why d'you ask ? I thought you had no interest in reserve students or a shit like that."

"It's a bit complicated but I happen to know him know and ... He's staying at my place. Apparently he was forced by some Yakuza clan to do to some sexual stuff with people which turned into shitty people beating him up on a regular basis and when he defended himself they tried to drown him."

"Which one."

"Huh ?"

"Which. Fucking. Clan. Was. It."

"Inari or something like that ? I'm not sure. He just said that they usually don't attack other yakuzas."

"Ok. Thank you very much for the informations. For once you were much more than useful Nagito, so a biiig thank you."

"No problem. Sorry for disturbing your night."

The phone call ended, Nagito smiled and collapsed on the floor, too tired to do anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's like 1a.m when I'm publishing this but who cares about sleep when you can write about theses two and Yakuzas.


	6. Chapter 6

The sunlight shone through Hajime's eyes, slowly walking up the young student from his dreams. Everything felt blurry around him, it took him a minute to remember everything that happened. A bit complicated but he remembered all the important parts. He wasn't sure if he liked the situation but he sure was happy enough to know that he would stay at Hope's peak without the need to get hurt anymore. He stretched his arms before getting out of his bed and got to the dinning room.

"Oh ! It's nice to see you finally woke up !"

"Yeah hello ... What do you mean by "finally ?!""

"Oh, you slept the whole day yesterday. Just that."

"WHAT ?!"

"Oh also your phone rang a few times ... I didn't touch it because I didn't want to disturb you but I wanted to let you know"

"T-thanks. I'll just call my parents to make them know I'm alright and I'll come back okay ?"

"You don't have to stress about it, feel free to do anything. This is your home from now so don't ask me if you want to do anything... Go take a bath, call for a pizza, take a pet ... Just try not to break the house, it'll be annoying to buy a new one."

"G-got it."

Hinata took his old phone (one of his last belongings) and looked at his missed calls. "11 missed calls from Mom". No kidding, he told her the day before that he might had to job hunting and no news until then ? He had to calm her down a bit. He quickly wrote the number and pushed the call button.

"Hey Mom."

"Hajime ! Oh thank goodness you're finally answering, we were so worried ! Are you okay ?! What happened with the appartement ?! Where are you right now ?!"

"I ... I got kicked out of the apartment. Don't worry I'm fine, a friend took me in for the day and I just slept the whole time, that's why I couldn't answer your calls."

"Which friend ?" 

"It's uuuh .... Sonia ? From the main course ? She's the ultimate princess and is like, super rich and the place she's at is immense. So she invited me and will help me until I get a new job don't worry."

"Good ... With all the fights in the city I was seriously worried you for caught up on something really bad. I'm glad you have your colleagues from the main course to help you."

"Fights ? What fights ?"

"You haven't heard ? There was a terrible Yakuza fight yesterday in town, a lot of them got killed or injured and I was worried sick that you were caught on a fight with them because lost of them happened near were you worked."

"O-oh. Well thankfully I was far from there. I'll make sure to call you more on the next days to tell you about my job hunting." 

"Thank you honey. Good luck !"

"Yeah..."

Hajime hung up and rushed to look at one of the TVs of the house. All the news talked about the violent Yakuza fight that destroyed a small part of the city the day before. Apparently all the victims were from the same side, the Inari clan. The remaining survivors were all talking about some kind of monster using swords. 

"Woaw Fuyuhiko didn't took that well. I knew he would be furious but I seriously wasn't expecting that."

"Wha- FUYUHIKO DID THIS ?!"

"Apparently ? I told him about your case the day you arrived and it looked like he wasn't happy about that. I knew he cared about you and I thought that it would be reassuring for you to know that if they touched you again they'll end up in a pretty bad way but I really wasn't expecting him to do that before they did anything else."

"That's ... That's ... I ...Why ?? Why all of this ?? Just because of ... Of ..."

"Woaw woaw woaw please calm down Hajime. Calm down, I don't want you to collapse again. Fuyuhiko knew what he was doing. He's an ultimate. The most professional Yakuza there is. Trust him."

"But he killed... He killed..."

"They almost killed you too. Don't think about the almost, because they thought they did. They used you, they tortured you and wanted to drown you. Fuyuhiko just applied the Yakuza's law."

"But ... Why ... I mean, why because of me ?! If I was a part of his clan or at least affiliated with it in some kind of way I would understand !! But this ... It's just ... I'm a normal human being. I have nothing close to being a Yakuza. Why would I matter. Fuyuhiko is dear to me but I can't understand why did he started a clan war for me ?!"

"Just because you're not a Yakuza doesn't mean you don't count in their fights. I'm pretty sure that Fuyuhiko appreciate you. Again, I'm not sure to understand it myself... One because I'm not Fuyuhiko, and two because I only started to care about someone who isn't an ultimate about two days ago and we haven't talked that much yet. So just ... Trust him. If you really want to know maybe you should just ask him tomorrow ?" 

"I... guess you're right ... Not that I think it was the best decision but yeah ... I guess I have no other choice but to trust him." 

"Better."

"Uuuh ... Nagito ? Is that it ? Gosh I'm bad at remembering names ... I think I would need to eat something. Just to ... You know ..."

"Oh yes, I'm sorry ! I completely forgot about lunch ! There should be some things to eat in the refrigerator, I'll bring something."

"How can you forget to eat ?! It's like, one if the basic things to do to live ! Do you not feel hunger ?"

"It's a bit more complicated ... You see, my brain is pretty much destroying his functions by itself because if my illnesses and I sort of feel things in a different way ? It's pretty hard to explain but I always feel like I'm hurt somewhere so I try not to focus on my body sensations too much."

"That's... Horrible."

"I guess it's not that bad since I'm not really hurt anywhere. Oh by the way, do you feel better ? I'm not the best to help others, I'm pretty useless for most things, trash like me..."

"N-no ! I mean, yes I do feel better but .. you're not trash ! You already helped me so much, I'm just a stranger to you and ... Everything you did .. everything you said... It was good. I think I needed someone to help me like that. I couldn't have dreamed of better so ... You're not trash. You don't do trashy things. Thank you."

"You're ... Welcome."

Nagito came back with two large bowls of instant noodles, pairs of chopsticks and a bottle of iced tea. 

"Thanks for the food." 

Again, Hajime made a small bow before starting to eat as much as he could, and Komaeda couldn't do anything but smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woaw an entire chapter without anyone crying ? That's a first for this fic.


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you sure it's okay ?"

"I think it is ... But thanks for the concern. Well, if things turns bad I'll just go to the nurse's office... I've slept well, ate things that actually are good for my health for once and my wounds are mostly not as bad as they were Friday. All thanks to you."

"No really, I already said that it isn't thanks to me ! I'm just ... Trash. You are the one I should be thankful to."

"For what ? Seriously Nagito I literally haven't done anything useful since I came in this house !"

"I already told you ... Your hope, your whole being ... It's all that matters to me. That's why I'm thankful. I'm happy because you are. Not sure how that works but ... It works. So I won't be complaining."

Hinata smiled and looked at the door. He wasn't sure that it was real ... It didn't felt real. More like some kind of perfect world that your brain would imagine when you slowly die of low body temperature because you were shoved out of your apartment. But he was there. His costume, as always, was a little too large for him. His hands were shaking a little bit, but this time for a good thing. He was excited. He wanted to come back to Hope's Peak and his wish came true. He was going back. He will see his friends again. He wasn't particularly excited to see his class but he knew that the main course will make him forget about that. He was truly and genuinely happy.

"Come on Hinata, the bus will show out soon !"

"I'm coming !"

The boy rushed to the small garden, looking one last time behind him. Seriously, this house was impressive. It was really hard to believe that the young boy bought it all by himself... But now was no the time to judge. This guy basically saved him and helped him even if he hadn't do anything special. He couldn't risk to ask this kind of questions at that time. He couldn't risk to annoy him.

"Hey Hinata, don't rush like that ... I   
... Ahh... I'm not really good at running ..."

"Woah ! I'm sorry, I'm really sorry ! I was just really excited for today and wasn't thinking that you might have difficulties ..."

"It's okay, I have a trashy body ... It'll be fine." 

And with theses words nagito tripped from the pavement. It wasn't a big deal until the bus showed up. Nagito was trying his best to get up when the bus arrived, not seeing anything because the boy was too low to be noticed.

"WATCH OUT !!"

Nagito barely had the time to react and put his arms in front of his to protect himself that he got hit by the vehicle at full speed, and collapsed a few meters away from the impact. 

"NAGITO !!"

Hajime rushed to the poor boy's side, putting his hand on his neck to see if he still had a pulse. The conductor came out of the bus in a rush.

"Is he okay ?! I'm so sorry, I haven't seen him at all !!"

"Nagito ! Nagito answer me !"

"Urgh... I'm ... Okay ..."

"No you're not ! We gotta call an ambulance as quickly as-"

"Don't worry Hinata, I'm okay ! My arms do hurt me but I don't think they're really damaged whatsoever. Thanks to you I was able to avoid any real damage ... I really am lucky."

"How ... How can you say that after you got hit by a bus ?!"

"It just happens to me ... Sometimes. It's no big deal, really."

Nagito got on his feet, trembling a bit but seemingly well. Hajime could only stare at the ground, not being able to move. Nagito got hit. By a bus. At full speed. How was that even possible in the first place ?! Didn't this kind of things only happened in movies ?! It felt surreal. Nagito quickly apologized to the driver, telling him that it was his fault and he should have been a lot more careful, and quickly asked Hajime to get inside not to get late. Hajime finally got out of his mind and rushed to the bus' door, still pretty shook. He didn't understand how could Nagito be so calm about that. Was it because of his talent ? Did it happen often ? How hurt was he really ?

"Hey Hajime ... You seem pretty you of it, are you okay ?"

"You ..."

The reserve student hold his breath for a second. Asking him about it might not be the best choice. He wasn't going to be annoying and ... He'll probably get answers later anyway. So he just told what nobody would in this situation.

"Yes. I'm okay."

Nagito smiled, and Hajime felt his body getting weaker. Maybe taking a small nap in the bus after theses event was a good idea to change his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty short chapter compared to others but really I couldn't make it longer because it would just have felt weird with transitions.


	8. Chapter 8

A small voice woke the reserve student up.

"Hajime, we're here. We need to get out of the bus if you want to go to Hope's peak you know ?"

He did felt a bit dizzy but his nap did helped him to feel better. He yawned and got up to his feets. Wait. How was he sleeping sideways when the place next to him was taken by Nagito ? Did he slept on his legs ?!

"Oh, Hajime, if you need to rest again like that don't be afraid to ask. You probably need more sleep than the average students, to recover."

So he did. He slept on his helper's legs. Wait helper ? Was he just helping ? Or maybe was he a friend ? He didn't knew him for very long but he did talk to him the whole sunday and shared his darkest memories with him. Well, in either way, it didn't mattered. It was embarrassing. Any normal boy would find it embarrassing if another boy were to sleep on his body. It did felt good but ... Gosh it did felt great. Hajime liked it. Did Nagito liked it too ? Was he confortable with it ? Maybe it was because the white haired boy liked physical affection ? Probably. It should have been that. Nagito did thought differently than any other student. Because he was an ultimate, after all. 

"I'll see you at lunch then ! We'll be having a picnic with the class and-"

"Wait ! I-I'm sorry Nagito but since I'm a reserve student I'm not allowed near the normal course's buildings ..."

"Nah, it's okay. You can get in as long as you have an ultimate that stays with you."

"Huh ? Really ?"

"Yeah, Fuyuhiko's sister came to take a visit time to time before the incident. They just made this rule to protect the main course from anything that could disturb them from their training and any main course students that might stick to them just to get privileges even if the ultimate doesn't like him. It happened in the past, and most of the Ultimates of thoses years had to take another year to get their diploma."

"Oh... I see."

"I'll come to grab you at the entry at 12a.m, see ya !"

"Yeah ... See ya."

So that's why Nagito didn't like the reserve course, thought Hajime. With the conversations he had with the boy the day before, he caught a few infos on his beliefs. Nagito pretty much worshipped the main course, and hated with all his might the reserve course. It was a bit confusing for Hajime to really get why did he chose him to stay even if he knew he was a reserve student, but the good thing was it was because he wanted to believe in him and not because he pitied him. Not that it would be strange to pity someone who felt like the whole world was against him, but because Hajime wanted to be proud of himself. He had enough of being treated poorly, even if the first thing he asked Nagito once he got into his home was to use him. It was more of a reflex, something his body couldn't control anymore even if it was the worst decision in this situation, like a wild animal being paralyzed when a car goes right in front of it. No. Hajime wanted to be more like that. He knew he was something. He didn't know what exactly but that's why he went to Hope's peak : to find himself. The total wasn't what the boy had expected but his friends made everything worth it.

"Hey look who's there. Mister 'hangs out with the main course because he thinks he's sooo special'"

"Come on you leech, why don't you answer us ?"

"He just thinks he's better than us and looks down on us. Let that fucker be until the guards catch him up and forbids him to stay with the little geniuses once and for all."

"Whaaat you haven't heard ? He already tried to go over the main building's entry and he got beat up so badly that a teacher had to stop the whole thing."

"No, really ?! Man, he thinks he's a genius but he's stupid enough to get in a fight with the ultimate boxer ! Seriously does he have any braincells left ?"

Like always, Hajime ignored them. He didn't thought he was better in any way, he just felt ... Different. He never fit in the normal classes. Making friends was always difficult. Talking about the things he liked was always difficult. It's not like he wanted to be apart he just ... Couldn't be with them. But the ultimates were so different. They never threatened him. They never harassed him. They accepted him the way he was. Even if he was scared when Chiaki started to take him to see the rest of the class, he never felt that confortable in his entire life. For once, Hajime was happy being himself. That's why he liked the academy. That's why he couldn't live without it anymore. 

Hajime found his place and he wasn't letting it go. 

On the other side of the school, nagito sat on his chair, and looked around the class. Like always, Chiaki was in the classroom before anyone else, playing some kind of small video game. Nagito liked Chiaki. In fact he truly liked his class, not only because of their talents but because of who they were. A bunch of kids that created a solid group where everyone could fit and be happy. 

Nagito wasn't jealous at all and even told them that he didn't deserved to hang out with them a bunch of times but ... It wasn't completely the truth. Yes, he did admire the Ultimates and felt like he didn't deserve to be treated as their equal but it wasn't the main reason why he couldn't hang out with them. It was because he knew he was going to break the mood, as always. His dementia was slowly destroying him and in the same time his reasoning. He was always trying his best not to be awkward but in the end, his non-understanding of what's right and wrong always made him tell things that made everyone uncomfortable. The feeling of telling something bad but not knowing what it was bad was horrible but Nagito always tried to shrug it off with a smile and repeating that it was okay if he people didn't understand him and that he didn't expect them to. In the end he could only feel lonelier in a time where he could have make the best friends he could ever have. Nobody knew about his mental condition. He never told anybody. Because if he did, people would have started to worry about him. And if they started to worry about him, they would end up like everyone nagito cared about before. 6 feets underground. So Nagito continued to smile, as always, watching the ones he liked being happy. 

"Hello kids !"

"Hello Miss Chisa !"

"Well, I think everyone is here. I'm glad, it's been a while since any of you missed a lesson ! So ... Let the class begin !"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shipping is starting, slowly but surely ~


	9. Chapter 9

"You're so slow Nagito, just move your legs and be a good athlete for once !"

"Ah ... Ah ... I'm sorry Nekomaru, I'm trying my best but my body is just not made for this kind of effort."

"BULLSHIT ! You're more than capable of it !"

And with theses words, Nagito collapsed on the ground of the sports field. 

"Nagito !!"

"Shit man ! I-Is he alright ?!"

"H-his heartbeats are way too fast ! H-he needs to be treated a-as fast as possible !"

"I'll transport him to your office, let's go !"

"T-thanks Nekomaru !"

When Nagito woke up, the world felt white and blurry. His breath was heavy, way too heavy to be normal. He felt his body shaking and a sweat rolling down his cheeks.

"O-oh ! You're finally awake Nagito ! It's g-good to see you get better."

So he did collapse. Nagito hated it. He hated his body. He hated himself for not being able to run a few minutes for a sport lesson without feeling like he was going to die. He felt weak, even more useless than usually, just some garbage that isn't good mentally nor physically. He hated his body and his body probably hated him.

"I'm sorry for fainting ... Gosh I'm useless."

"N-no don't be ! Y-you can't control things like that ! Just ... Be more c-careful. Oh, also I'm sorry if you h-hate needles but I'll have to take a few blood tests j-just to see why are you weak l-like that... It's just abnormal."

Shit. No no no. Mikan couldn't know about his health problems, that was the last thing he could let the class know. He would even prefer to shout about the fact that he wasn't straight than letting them know. 

"AH ! D-don't worry it's just ... Errrh ... I always had a special condition that makes me ... Bad at sports ... It's called huuuh ... Tachycardia ?"

Liar. Nagiro never 'always had' that condition. It appeared only a few months before and he knew it more than anyone else. He just thankfully remembered a illness' name to fill the blank spot and cover it up. He knew it's because his health was decreasing at an alarming rate. He knew that it was because he was going to die soon. Die alone. He was going to die alone and nobody should care because the bad luck might end up on them. All alone. 

"O-oh I see. W-well, I'll ask Miss Chisa not to make you play sports like that anym-more."

"Thank you Mikan. You're the best."

"Hehehe ..."

Mikan laughed with her tiny voice that made the whole class cheer up. She was always shy, too shy to be in public, to be with the reserves students. But when she had a patient, most of her fears were replaced by the pleasure of taking care of someone in need. Some might find it creepy, but Nagito always viewed that in a really good way.

"Excuse me Mikan, do you know what time is it ?"

"Oh ! Y-you weren't gone for only a dozen of minutes. It's nearly 12a.m."

"Thank you Mikan. I have somebody to catch up before lunch, can you tell the class I'll be there a little late ?"

"Somebody ?"

"Yup ! He wasn't planned for the picnic but I'm pretty sure you'll be happy to see him anyway."

"Oh ! O-okay ! See you then !"

Nagito got up, his legs shaking a bit. He still felt really weak, but now was not the time to show it to the world. Nobody knew about it except him ... Wait, did told Hajime ? Did he really talked about something he tried to hide for months with a reserve student he had just met ?! How could that be possible ?! He was just a reserve student, he was, he was ... No. He was special. It was hard to see how bit he was special. With him, Nagito felt at ease. He would never told something this important otherwise. Nagito was truly at ease with Hajime. For the first time in his life, he wanted to be with someone just because it felt nice, without anything to stop him. All he could do now was pray that his bad luck will continue to affect him and only him. 

Hajime rushed to the entry of the main building, ignoring the remarks of all his classmates. Like always, the class was horrible. His grades were higher than any of the others, of course the teacher will suspect that he cheated. He didn't, but it wouldn't stop his classmates for bullying him for it. But now was not the time to think about it. He was going to meet with his friends and nothing would stop him. Nothing except well ... The ultimate boxer.

"What are you doing here, kid ? I thought you had your lesson the last time."

"I have someone that will come get me, if that's what you want to hear."

"I swear if you don't back up I'm gonna-"

"Hey Hajime ! Sorry I'm a bit late, we had sports and I had to recover a bit before walking again."

"Oh, it's okay ! I won't blame you ! ... May I enter now ?"

"Tch. You may. Move your ass before I kick it, little brat."

It was the first time Hajime put his feet on ultimates' ground. It didn't felt powerful nor incredible like the others said, but more like home. A true home, a place you want stay in just to be yourself. But this pleasure didn't last long when Hajime noticed how tired Nagito looked. 

"You seem really pale ... Are you okay ?"

"Ah ! I'm ... I'm fine ! Just really tired from all the running and stuff. And I'm always a little pale, y'know ?"

"Oh, yes ..."

Now that he said it, he noticed that Nagito always had this really weak look. It probably wasn't as flagrant when Hinata was tired and weak both mentally and physically. He felt more like some kind of cliché of a good guy taking care of a girl that just tripped in a bad romance book. It was probably to reassure himself that he imagined him like that but seeing him in a similarly weak state made him want to return the favor and just take care of him. 

"I haven't told the Ultimates you'll come so they will probably be pretty surprised to see you."

"What ?! You didn't ?! But what if they don't want to see me ?"

"Come on, you're pretty much a part of the group, a lot more than I am. Everyone will be pleased to see you, I know it. Just hope for it !"

The place was pretty big and much more diverse than the reserve student expected. Tennis fields, an antique theater, a large swimming pool, gardens filled with numerous plants and exotic bugs ... No wonder this place was the target of all the students. Everything looked expensive. Too great to be real, like in some kind of video game or TV show. It made him feel small, but it wasn't a bad feeling either. After a few minutes of walking, the two boys finally arrived at a grand field covered in small white flowers, with a little group of people gathered around some kind of grill.

"I thought we were having a picnic ? Why is there a barbecue grill there ?"

"Yuppidy yup, we were supposed to. But y'a know Teruteru, the little cook always wants to make things grandiose ! If I had to write a song about it it would be called 'the sexy sound of grilled meat !'"

"C-call me chef ! And yes I did want to surprise you all. After all, we came here to have a good time didn't we ?"

"Well then hurry up and get everything done already, I'm stavin' !"

"Calm down Akane, food takes time !"

Hajime could only look at everyone smiling and talking, not wanting to say any word. He kept quiet until his eyes met with others. The sleepy eyes of a gamer.

"Hajime ? What are you doing here ?"

Everyone turned around hearing that name.

"Huh ? Hajime ? What the fuck are you doing here ? I thought theses bastards didn't let any reserve students come near." 

"Hi ! Huuh ... It's ..."

"I invited him. We became friends this weekend and he looked lonely at lunch so I thought inviting him was a good idea !"

"M-Miss Chisa is here too, I don't know why we shouldn't invite our other friends too !"

"Yes, even your little ugly ass donkey face is here, no reason to worry about that !"

"Hiyoko, stop, you shouldn't be so harsh on her !"

Hajime just smiled and sat next to Fuyuhiko, trying a bit to avoid eye contact but still wanting to talk a bit. He always knew that the young boy was a Yakuza, even if his baby face made it a little hard to believe it. But to kill people just like that, it was a bit much for him. He still loved his friend, with all his heart, but he needed a few explanations and was too afraid to ask for them. 

"Hey, Hajime, are you alright ?"

"Huh ? W-why ?"

"Y'a know, after all that happened to ya lately. Nagito told me 'bout it. I'm pretty used to this kind of stuff but I think it would be hard to take for any kind of normal person."

"Oh ! It's ... Better. Much better than Friday at least. Nagito helped me a lot when I couldn't do anything."

"Tch. He's stupid as fuck but he's not a bad person. He's a bit annoying because he says whatever comes out in his brain but ... He's not a dick."

"Yeah... Oh, also I wanted to talk about ... You know... The incident. I'm sorry that I've made such a mess. I feel a bit like it's my fault."

"What ? Don't overthinking it dumbass, ya didn't do anything wrong. Thoses bastards tried to fucking kill ya, got it ?"

"Yes but-"

"Look, you're... The first friend I've ever made. Not to be cheesy or anything but you fucking matter to me. Plus y'know, this clan was basically a gang of fuckers that found funny killing innocents after using 'em for years. They always were fucking around our properties and families of our members but we never truly had reasons to beat the shit of them. So yeah, this incident was a big help for both of us. You got revenge and I've got my free ticket to tell them to fuck off our territory and at the time to show the whole Yakuzas of the city how powerful I am. But yeah... Y'know ... I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks Fuyuhiko. Really."

"Tch. Don't mention it. I won't tell anyone 'bout it."

"Everything's ready ! Who wants some meat ?"

"Meeee !!"

"Calm down Akane, you're going to leave nothing for us again !"

"It is better for everyone to eat such things. After all, meat gives a lot of energy for everyone to continue to work properly."

"Well said Mitarai ! IT'S A MANAGERS' DUTY TO KEEP HIS ATHLETES IN THEIR FULL POWER !!"

"Calm down Nekomaru, not everybody is your athlete here !"

"YOU'RE WRONG HAJIME ! You're my athlete ! EVERYONE IS MY ATHLETE !!!"

The whole group started to laugh in a carefree way. Because that's what they were. A bunch of careless students that only wanted to have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp that chapter was SUPER long. Just had a lot of motivation due to all the nice comments on the previous chapters so that you guys so much !!  
Also if Nagito's disease is stressing you right now wait a bit and you'll have TRUE reasons to fear.


	10. Chapter 10

The lunch was only an hour long but it was impossible for Hajime to tell how much time had passed. Everyone was smiling, laughing, even the teacher was included in the group, being hugged several times during the hour. The food was amazing, the way everyone played and talked together felt like a party ... It was truly a good time. A few minutes before 1 a.m, Nagito got up and showed his hand to Hajime.

"I'm sorry for taking you out so soon but I think you have to get to your class before it's too late."

"Oh. Oh right ! I totally forgot ! It felt a lot more like a vacation than a school lunch."

"We should totally do this again ! Nagito you had such a great idea bringing Hajime here !"

"I'm really glad you think so."

"Miss Chisa, is there any regulations for regular students to come here between class hours?"

"I don't think so ... As long as they don't disturb the Ultimates it's alright."

"Then we should do that a lot more often ! I prepared a special lunch time tomorrow where we could all play super smash brothers together... Would you like to come too ?"

"Y-yes ! I would really love to !!"

"Well then, it's settled. Tomorrow, the mortal named Hajime shall follow us to the doom of fighting games ! Fuhahahaha !"

"Thanks guys. I'll be really happy to be with you tomorrow !"

Taking Nagito's hand Hajime slowly got up and started to walk away, looking at the scene with a nostalgic face. 

"See ? I knew they would be happy to see you. Not only it was a good surprise, spending time with them at lunch might also become a habit."

"Yes ! I'm so glad ! But ... Now that I think of it, you didn't really talked with them... And I've never saw you hang out with the class either. Is there a special reason for it ?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm just not worthy to be with them."

"H-huh ?!"

"I'm trash. I'm not shining like they are, I'm a pathetic human being that doesn't deserve to be treated as good as they are. You might not have a talent, but you do help them shine brighter. The only thing I bring when I talk is disgust and pity."

"T-that's not true ! You're not... You helped me a lot Wednesday ! I-I'm not talking about your offer but your words ! You told me such nice things, you helped me calm down, you listened to me... There's no way I would let you tell that you're trash ! Even if I didn't completely understand you it doesn't mean that you're not worthy and that you make no sense !! You're ... I truly believe you're a good person !!"

After Hajime finished his last sentence, his eyes met Komaedas'. The white haired boy was looking genuinely surprised. His mouth was a little bit open, his eyes wide open and a little bit of clush could be seen on his cheeks. But this look was quickly replaced by a darker one as he bit his lower lip. He closed his eyes and turn his head to the side not to look at Hajime, probably in shame. Nagito's feelings were truly mixed. On one hand, someone finally told him that he mattered. Not because he had money, a house or because he was lucky : he was told he mattered as a human being. But on the other hand, the person telling him was a reserve student. What did he know about being worthy ? He was surrounded by useless people living useless lifes. And if Hajime said that he was a good person and that he thought that he mattered then he would get attached to him. No. No no no. Very bad idea. But how could he get Hajime not to like him ? He wanted to help him shine and the only way for it was keeping him in his home. And he liked Hajime. Wait, he liked Hajime ? That was really, really bad. If this continued, luck might-

"I'm sorry, it looks like it was a sensitive subject. If it affects you that much we should probably stop talking about it for now, I won't force you. Just ... If you want to talk about it, don't be afraid to ask me. I might not be good to make you feel good with words but having a attentive ear to listen to you might help and ... I can keep secrets. Thank you for letting me join the group, I really had a lot of fun. See you later I guess ?"

"Oh- Yes. Thank you. See you later at the same place, alright ?"

"No prob !"

Hajime sighed and tried his best to keep himself together. As he reached the entry a few meters away, his eyes crossed the ultimate boxer's.

"You look like a mess. Did you got rejected or something ?"

"No ... I did have a really good time. I'll probably come back in the future. I just ... Don't want to get out anymore."

"Tch. That's what they all say. Of course you don't, who'd want to go back to hell when you saw paradise ?"

"I ... Don't care about the building. Nor the talents nor the popularity. I just ... Want to spend time with people I like."

"You don't have to justify yourself kid. They all said that. I saw it again and again, the 'of course they are my friends !'. That's bullshit. They all have the same excuse. Now get out of my sight before I quick you out, you shouldn't be here without ultimate to watch you."

"...Y-yeah."

Of course they all said that. Who would admit that they want to stay with students just to grab anything they can. It was obvious, but hard to accept. Hajime truly believed in his statement. But a little voice in his head told him that if Nagito wasn't worthy, he probably wasn't either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten chapters in less than a month ?! Woaw that's certainly something I wasn't expecting to achieve especially cuz I'm not that great with english.  
Welp now I guess that I'm compelled to write an entire fic without letting it never get an end ... Crazy right ?


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the day was long. Longer than anyone would imagine. Of course he wouldn't be able to ignore everything. Of course people would ask all sorts of questions. Unlike the Ultimates, the whole reserve heard about Hajime's job. Rumours spread quickly when someone was close to the "wonderful gang of pretentious lordasses". So of course, seeing the young boy entering the main building was going to make a fuss. Who wouldn't be thrilled to see someone who could access the most secret place of the academy be insulted of all names. 

"Yeah I've heard he fucked a girl in the class and now he's everyone's little bitch. This guy would do anything for money."

"A girl ? Lol, ya kidding right ? There's bruises all over his neck and he never wore anything without sleeves since day one. I'm telling y'all he definitely got bit all over his body by some crazy dude, like the one with the chain around his neck that looks like a bear."

"It might be bondage ?"

"That's probably wayyy too light for this little fucker."

"In any case he stayed for the whole hour. I'm pretty sure more that one person got to use him during that time."

Hajime couldn't respond anything. No matter what would come out of his mouth everyone would turn it against him. He had no idea if he was better or worse than them but one thing was sure : he wasn't the same. Just thinking about acting like that discussed him. He might not have been the best person in the world but one thing Hajime wouldn't do was mocking others for fun. In the contrary, he was much better listening to people and helping them getting better. And that's why he couldn't understand them : his way or thinking was far awau from theirs, and therefore there was no way they could understand each other. 

The last bell ring felt like freedom. Hinata ran as fast as he could of his classroom, almost forgetting his bag, and rushed towards the main course's building. That day wasn't especially terrible even if it lasted forever. Hinata had way worse in the past. At the contrary, it was much more due to the good time he has spend with the main course that day. And fleeing towards them made him feel free. The class was just passing through the entry.

"H-hey Nagito ! I'm here !"

"Hajime ? I wasn't expecting you to be so fast !"

"I'm just ... Uuuh ..."

He couldn't say that his class was terrible, of course. After begging for going back to Hope's peak, he couldn't explain calmly that he hated everyone in the reserve.

"I was just really excited to see you again Nagito ! We haven't talked a lot today and I think spending time with you is fun too !"

This was the first thing that came to Hinata's mouth. It wasn't really the truth but ... Hinata also wasn't against the idea of spending time with Nagito. After all, he did felt pretty bad seeing him thinking bad things about himself and he felt more free to say what he wants around him.

"W- Really ?! Woaw I never thought you'd want that much to spend time with trash like me ! I'm ... Honored ! And uuuh... Y'know if you want to spend time with me we could ... Not spend it at home ? Maybe we could go to the arcade together ?"

"Oh ! I would love to, I've never went there !"

"I'm coming too."

A small voice came from behind, belonging to a young girl holding a small game console.

"Oh it would be an honor to have you as well ! What do you think Hajime ?"

"I- Yes I would love her to come ! I'm sure it'll be great to play all together !"

"... I'm going to completely slaughter y'all at Mario kart."

"Let's see what will win then ! My luck, or your ability ?"

"I hope we'll do some collaboration games too, your are Ultimates but I'm just a normal student, remember ?"

"We'll see that !" 

The three students started walking to the place they mentioned, trying not to stay silent with a lot of small talks but no real conversation. It wasn't especially interesting, but it felt great having little interactions with others. Hajime never really felt at ease doing small talks with others before, Nagito never really talked to anybody with little dialogues like this for quite a long time and Chiaki only understood the importance of making this kind of link with others a few months ago. So even if the situation felt like something that any normal teen would do, it was in fact pretty unique to them at the time. 

They finally arrived at the place. It was pretty big, having retro games, new consoles and even some not really for kids kind of game. It wasn't really crowded but you could easily see that the business wasn't sinking. 

"Do you have any idea what kind of game of game we could play all together Chiaki ?"

"I heard they have a new fighting game, it should be pretty fun ! I'll go buy us some coins-"

"No, I'll go. This time, I'll pay for it. I think you deserve to keep your money, a trashy man like me would be a waste to spend your precious yens for."

"Oh. I see. Well thank you Nagito."

Right after Nagito left, Chiaki started to stare at the walls which were covered with various posters of game characters, before quickly grabbing Hajime's hand and rushing to an ufo catcher.

"Let's try to catch something before Nagito returns. I want the Shaymin plush in the back there."

Chiaki started to insert a few yens in the machine and started to push buttons to move it. Each move of hers seemed perfectly calculated, and she seemed more and more close to her goal. But after maybe 5 or 6 miss, Chiakis eyes moved to the body next to hers and started to look a bit more expressive than before. 

"Hajime ... What happened ?"

"Huh ? What do you ..."

"I'm just ... Curious. You weren't there friday, it seemed you avoided me for the rest of the week for some reasons, but now you're back to normal and you've befriended Nagito ? It's just something that caught my attention."

Chiaki was right and Hajime couldn't deny it. He did avoided her for the past week, having to think that he would loose everyone forever, that he would lose her forever. She ... She was probably his best friend. He couldn't hide something that obvious to her. 

"I'm sorry. You're right, everything that you said did happened and was really unexpected for everyone I think but ... I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it yet. It's just ... Really complicated and ... I'm just ..."

"Okay.

"Huh ?"

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, even if it's bad. Friends are here to listen to you, not to force you to tell things that don't want. I was more curious to know if everything was going well for you."

"Oh... Thank you. Again, it's a bit complicated but yes. I'm feeling much better. Not sure of what will happen next but I probably am better than before."

Chiaki smiled before going back to her game. A few months before, she almost never smiled. It felt like she has no emotions, it was pretty difficult for her to express them. But time had passed and now she could smile without forcing herself, which was a pure pleasure to watch. 

"Need any luck Chiaki ?"

"Oh hey Nagito. Actually I wouldn't be against-"

At this moment, the hedgehog plush fell into the bucket, ringing a small bell.

"Oh. Well thank you I guess."

"You're more than welcome."

What was left of the afternoon was quickly spent with the three of them destroying pretty much all of the high scores of the arcade. It was pretty funny to see how many players asked Chiaki for a dual, she told them she didn't have much time for them and beat them up in their favorite games in about 30 seconds. Nagito was a lot more about randomness. Sometimes he lost at some games dying on the very first enemy. But sometimes he would end another one in a few minutes when the solution almost required a guide book. Seeing him starting a new party felt like Russian roulette and was also pretty hilarious. Hajime ... Well, it wasn't as impressive as the two others but he had a pretty good level since he was training with chiaki on a regular basis. But in the middle of a street fighter versus, Hajime remembered something. He remembered Nagito telling him about hope. It felt awkward, a bit complicated but he really felt genuine. So in the middle of the fight Hajime started thinking about it. Hope. Hope. Just hope you will do something good. You can beat Chiaki, no, you can destroy Chiaki. Just hope for it. Hope. A few seconds after Chiaki made an almost final move leaving him the the minimum hp, he started just mashing furiously the attack buttons. A minute later, Chiaki was defeated. Chiaki was really impressed by the situation and even if she loose, she felt pretty happy. On his side, Hajime just stared at his hands, disturbed by the power of his own thoughts. Was it linked ? Did he really beat up the ultimate gamer just by thinking of hope ... Whatever it is ?! No. It was just a coincidence. A pure coincidence. But in the end, the image was difficult to erase from his mind. About an hour later, they decided to get back to their respective homes, to get a but of rest before the next day. The boys got on the bus Nagito against the window and Hajime against Nagito. He was a bit too tired to think about the fact that he was resting against another person. A lot happened that day. Maybe a bit too much for his little head. Still it felt like one of the best days of his life. The bus stopped. The boys walked to their place. Nagito quickly opened the door and smiled.

"I hope your day was what you wanted."

Nagito waited for a oral answer. But all did he get was two arms around him and a few tears being shed on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love writing about Chiaki. She's the perfect mix of "I don't give a fuck" and "I will destroy you if you hurt my friend" it's super fun


	12. Chapter 12

"Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU."

Nagito wasn't sure how to react. Hajime was pressing against his body as hard as he could, it felt like he would loose everything if he didn't. The tears he kept all day were dropping on his friend's jacket, he just couldn't control his body anymore.

"Thank you. I thought I would never be able to see them again. I wanted to play with chiaki again. I wanted to laugh with Kazuichi again. I wanted to play dump with Ibuki again. It was so much better than all I've hoped for. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you so much."

He just kept repeating thank you over and over again, and Nagito didn't said anything. He was just happy to see a hope so grand- no. He was happy to see this person happy. It was weird but pleasant. He wasn't sure how or why the happiness of someone else could affect his but it was the case. He just smiled and started patting the other's back slowly. He didn't want to say something that would ruin the moment like he always did, so this was the best option. The moment lasted a dozen of minutes at least. In the end, it was pure silence. No thanking, no sobbing, nothing left. 

"Hey... Hajime ? Are you alright ?"

No answer, just a body left on his shoulders. Hinata fell asleep because of the overwhelming moment, which was probably the best for him but not for Komaeda. 

"I can't even go upstairs with my physical condition and I have to take him with me ? How unlucky ... Welp, there's nothing I can do about it I guess. Sleeping on the couch isn't a bad thing either."

Komaeda took every last bit of power he had left to transport the body to the couch which was, luckily, pretty near. Hinata's embrace was a bit too tight. At least to tight for Nagito to get out. So all he could do was smile, sigh and just accept the situation while closing his eyes and waiting to finally get some rest.

Hinata's eyes opened and it took him a minute to understand what kind of situation he was in. His hands were gripping Nagito's shoulders, his whole body against his'. Apparently Nagito had the reflex to grip him too, his hands being a lot less possive. Even if it was really surprising to wake up in this kind of situation it wasn't unpleasant. It was warm and cozy, he felt safe in his arms. But even if he did appreciate the situation, his body suddenly reacted weirdly. He started to shake heavily without any apparent reasons, then his stomach started to burn. Hajime looked around to try to understand what happened to him and saw his friend's face and ... That was the trigger. He suddenly got up, rushed to the nearest sink of the kitchen and vomited everything he had left in his stomach (not much since he ate nothing that night). His whole body was shaking even more, his vision began to blurry when-

"H-Hajime ? Are you alright ?"

He turned his head to see Nagito getting up of the couch starring at his sick body. It was pretty difficult to think about words to describe the situation, everything felt out of place. What happened ?! Why did he react like that ?! Okay the situation was a bit surprising but he was scared of Nagito nor hated him, so why ?!

"I-I'm not sure, I just woke up and ... And ..." 

Hajime started to cry again. He remembered a weird feeling similar to this one. It wasn't in the same context at all but it did ressemble it. It was when he woke up in the mornings next to his clients. Usually it was just before he has to go to school. Each time his body was in pain. Each time he just thought about escaping and never returning to this person's place but he never tried. He was too scared. His body, mind and soul were scared for life by this. Waking up against someone was terrifying. Because it meant that something happened. That day he will have to bear his back hurting. He will have to bear the new wounds he got on his hips. He will-

"Hajime. Please. Calm down. You are safe. I didn't meant any arm. I haven't done anything to you, I swear. It's okay. You're okay. I won't let let anyone hurt you anymore. Just hope for it. As long as you hope, as you believe, you will be okay. Please."

It was hard to calm down. He sat against to wall, still shaking and his vision still blurry. But he did his best to concentrate on Komaeda's voice. It wasn't the most reassuring thing, yes, probably because he wasn't used to say this kind of things. But it was something else than what he was thinking of and it was enough to forget a little bit about it. Concentrate. I will be okay. Everything will be okay. It was just a bad feeling. I'm not alone with some stranger I'm ... No. He's not a stranger. He's my newest friend. He cares about me. I'm okay. I'm okay.

"I'm ... Okay."

"I wouldn't say that, you still look like a mess but ... At least you seem better ? Did something happened ?"

"I... Think I have PTSD."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you might be frustrated with this reaction but still... I think it would be pretty normal for Hajime to get PTSD.   
Does that mean he won't be able to do things with Nagito ? ... We'll see


	13. Chapter 13

Even if Nagito almost begged Hajime not to go to Hope's peak that day, Hajime decided that it was worth it. The good things he would gain from going to school would overflow the bad things and in the end he would feel better- at least that's what he told him. The day before was so good that Hajime was only thinking about going back there. Talking with friends would probably end his terrible thoughts and will help him move on. The morning went pretty well. Komaeda decided that taking the bus a bit more early for them to get a breakfast in a place that wasn't two feet near where the poor teen vomited was a good idea. It was. Hajime rarely had breakfast that good in his life. They stopped in a nearby French bakery where they took a few croissants and a hot chocolate. They decided to eat outside, even if it was a bit cold, the warm chocolate feeling much better with a little breeze. 

"So about noon ..."

"Yes ?"

"Do the class often do this kind of activities ? You know, the barbecue, the video games ..."

"Yes, they try to get together at least once a day ! We don't have any real classes ... All we have to do is train for our talents to get better. And our teacher miss Chisa decided that we would do much better if we had a good mood and worked together. She was right, the Ultimates really had their Hopes up after starting to get along ! Well, at least as long as I'm not interrupting them."

Hajime's teeth grinned because of his words. He knew he couldn't say that it wasn't true mainly because he didn't want him to be mad, but god it was frustrating to see him always saying the worst of himself.

"I see ... So the main course works a lot differently than ours. But how do you take exams ... You sure have at least a few per year, No ?"

"Yes we do ... It's just a few specialists coming to evaluate how good some of us are. Usually they pass without making any actual effort. So most of their training is to reassure themselves or for fun. That's why getting friends was the most important part : people that supports you help a lot too. For me the evaluations are a little bit different. All lucky students get different types of challenges depending on their abilities. Mine are usually something like a ball hidden somewhere under like 100 to 200 mate glasses and if I find it boom I pass."

"Lucky ... Student ?"

"Oh yes I haven't really told you my talent haven't you ? That's how trashy I am ... Well my talent isn't something really impressive either so it matches. I the ultimate lucky student."

"Lucky student ? It means that you have a lot of luck ?"

" It's a bit like that. Each year one random high schooler is picked randomly around the country to get into the main course. And this lottery is pretty powerful because it always ends up picking someone whose luck is really a talent."

"B-but how can luck even be a talent ??"

"You see how rich I am right ? You see the good things that happened to me like getting into Hope's peak ? It's only because of my luck. I have luck circles. First something unlucky happens to me like ... Well, getting hit by a bus or something. And depending how unlucky I was, I got more and more luck after ! Isn't it wonderful ?!"

Hajime was a lot surprised. That was really, really weird. Can "luck circles" as he calls it even exist ?! Isn't it just his imagination ? But ... He was pretty rich and he gained the money himself apparently. And he was chosen by Hope's peak. Was it because of this weird talent that he wasn't surprised nor even scared that he got hit by that bus !? It did make sense but it was so messed up ...

"That's ... Certainly something."

"Well, I don't find it as great as the others' talents but I guess I've got one at least."

Komaeda quickly swallowed what was left of his chocolate and looked at his watch. 

"It is nearly 7:50, we probably should get going before we arrive late."

"Oh .. yes you're right. Let's go."

Both got up and walked to the school, saying small goodbyes to each other before taking their individual paths. 

The morning wasn't too difficult. Hajime didn't even had to ignore the other's remarks, he was too deep in his thoughts. Nagito was the only thing he was thinking about. His talent, his attitude, his motives ... It was weird, so weird but it made sense. He was just feeling something while staying with him. He was just being confortable with his presence. He was so deep thinking about it that he almost forgot that the break he was waiting for that much wasn't only to see him, but mainly to see the whole class. Not that he wasn't happy about it, Nagito just had flooded his mind for a few hours. He quickly arrived to the main building's entry and saw that Komaeda was already waiting for him. 

"Hey, you're here !"

"Of course. I just asked to leave the class a little early, either way the others didn't want me near the cables of the consoles because they were afraid that I might end up tangling everything up."

"Oh ... I see. Well you will still play right ?"

"Yes ! I just asked not to play games based only on luck because I just win everytime. And even if Akane and Hiyoko find it hilarious it's not really funny for the other players."

"Welp, it's pretty understandable."

"Welp, either way, I still don't get why do they want someone as worthless as me to play with them."

It wasn't the first time Nagito talked about himself in that way. It wasn't the first time Hajime answered that he wasn't way he told. But that was probably the first time Hajime snapped at him. Until then he always stopped himself from telling anything firmly, but he just couldn't just take it anymore, especially after his existence invaded his mind for the last few hours.

"Stop it. Stop saying things like that ! You. Are. Not. Trash. You are a good person, caring about others, you look like you always want to help and take care of others I just ... Don't get it !?"

"You're the once being nice. I'm just ... Taking advantage of you right ? You like me because I give you the things you want- no, I forced you to like me. I mean, me constantly being with you for the last days influenced you, right ? You probably said things that you don't believe just because you don't want me to be upset, right ? It's ... I don't think it's a good thing. That's why I'm trash. People always tell me that I'm manipulative or things like that, because everything I say isn't what a normal person is supposed to say."

"Ooooh no. No no no. Listen to me CAREFULLY. I. Like. You. As a person. As a living being. And trust me even with all of my will it would have been pretty difficult for me to do something I don't want to. Heck, remember this morning ! Even things that I appreciate are just refused by my body !"

"You appreciate ...? Are you talking about lying on the couch with me ?"

"Ah-. Erh ... Well. Y-yes. I mean it's not ... It was good feeling someone against me that actually is gentle and means no harm and just wants to show affection. Even if I was probably the one who forced you a bit to end up like that because I did the hug and- huh anyway ! I was happy to have you by my side. Truly. So don't you dare tell me that you manipulated me insole kind of way. This is the way that I feel. You are a good person and I don't want to say messed up things like that. I-if I'm correct you want me to hope, right ? Now I'm hoping for one thing : I want you to stop saying the worst about you. I promise I will "hope" for it as much as I can. So ... Do you think you can do it ?"

"I ... Really wasn't expecting that much. Thank you. I don't say I don't believe you but ... It's really rare for me to hear this kind of thing. I don't know if I can stop saying this kind of things because ... I'm sure- I convinced myself that it is the truth. But I will do my best. Thank you."

Hajime smiled. Not the kind of big smile with all the teeth out, that you would see in some kind of teen movie. A true genuine smile of hope.

"Let's go join the others. Alright ?"

"Alright."

And with each step they took together, Nagito's trashy health crumbled a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *claps hands*   
We're getting guys who are taking care of each others ! Isn't that incredible ?   
No seriously we need Hajime to tell nagito that he's not trash more often.


	14. Chapter 14

When finally entering the main course's building, Hajime's hand trembled a little. It wasn't that impressive but out of the thousands of students in the reserve course, he was the only one who entered it. Well, at least the only one alive and still in the school : the two girls in his class who were pretty close to the main course we're both found dead earlier in the year, presumably killed by a pervert.   
As soon as he opened the class' door, everyone turned around and greeted him. 

"Hajime, bro, you really came !"

"Of course, our comrade will arrive to see battle of everyone to survive in this virtual environment !"

"Can you just ... Calm down a bit Gundham ? It's just a game y'know."

"It's not ANY game, fool ! It is a game that was showed to us mortals by their ultimate master ! It is probably the most challenging virtual world battle you will ever see !"

"Okay, okay, I get it ... Geez why do you have to overdo everything..."

"So ... If I understood well we're playing super smash Bros ... Is it even possible to play with 17 players in this game ?!"

"No but we can take turns, the maximum is 8 so everyone will get to play half of the time. I'm not going to play, I think it will be more fun if I'm there to help others with tips"

Hajime sat next to Kazuichi, looking at the first round of players choosing their characters.

"Sorry guys but Ibuki will destroy y'all with no regrets !"

"It is not some game you will win easily Ibuki. Do not think everyone will let you any time to rest. I'm going to beat the shit out of you."

"Miss Sonia ... Were do you even learn expressions like theses ..?"

Nagito opened his bag and revealed a dozen of small bottles of various sodas, giving them to anyone asking without any questioning. Kazuichi grabbed a bottle of panta, drank a few sips and started staring at Hajime. 

"So you started hanging out with the weirdo ? Welp, I won't judge ya or anything it's just that even if you make friends pretty easily I wasn't expecting you to go see him."

"The weirdo ? Oh ... You're talking about Nagito... Well, I wasn't the one to go see him, he's the one who asked if I needed help and I did. So we started yeah ... "Hanging out". But he's not really a weirdo, he's pretty nice !"

"Woaw, I wasn't expecting him to actually go see ya. Seriously he was always bragging about the fact that he hated the reserve. But anyways, you might think he's pretty normal at first but he's just ... Off. Always talking about hope or some shit like that, feeling wonderful when someone tells him a bad thing happened, always saying bad things at wrong moments. I don't especially hate him but y'know ... It's disturbing not to know what exactly does he have in mind."

"Well, he's a bit difficult to understand, I get that. But he's really not a bad person, he just ... Thinks differently ? Maybe he was just raised this way and it's hard for him not to think that."

"Yeah, guess you're right. I didn't thought he was a bad person but his fanboyism can be annoying sometimes."

"HELL YEAAAAH TOLD YA ! IBUKI DESTROYED Y'ALL !!"

they both turned their heads. The first round already ended, the winner being the band girl which was laughing at a pretty pissed off Hiyoko. 

"I guess it's our turn now."

"Yup !"

Both for up to sit in front of the TV and take a closer look at all the characters they could play. Chisa just grabbed a game controller and selected a little pink gumball. 

"Professor, looks like you know what you're doing."

"Oh, please, Hajime, call me Chisa while we're here. I am a teacher but I think it would be weird for me to call you all by your names but you have to call me professor."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad to fight against you then, Chisa."

"Oh, and you were right. I do know what I'm doing. You're going to suffer."

"Oh god"

"Fucking thank you. Finally someone that will not look down on us. I'm not going to go easy on you either, fuckers."

"Don't forget the ultimate lucky bullshiter is here too, you never know what might happen !"

And so went the hour. Fights after fight, laughing, playing, sweating, smiling. Just a perfect world for almost perfect teens. But every good thing has an end. 

"I-is that the school bell ?"

"It is. Why ?"

"I-I'm going to be super late to class if I don't run right now !!"

"Shoot ! Well huuuh see ya tomorrow Hinata !"

Hajime grabbed his bag and took the sprint of his life. Running through the hallways, almost falling down a few times, dashing through the garden and finally seeing the entrance. But still there was one finally problem. 

"Hey you ! I thought I made it clear, I don't want to fucking see you around without any ultimate !"

"Sorry but I have no choice, if I don't go into class as soon as possible I-"

"Don't you dare try to ignore me you little- !!!"

A fist rising. Being breathless. Being scared. Nothing Hajime could do about it. He was going to ... Again. Again again again. He didn't want that. He was scared. Too scared. Don't hit me, don't hit me, don't-

"PLEASE DON'T !"

Everything went black. Just ... Black. No pain, no blood, black. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The light destroyed the darkness and burned his eyes. 

"W...where ... Am I ?"

"Hajime !! Oh thank god you're awake !! Are you hurt anywhere ? Do you feel light-headed ?!"

"I'm ... Okay ? I think ? What happened ? I don't remember anything ..."

"Oh, well ... After you ran out of the class you got into some argument with one of the guys watching over the entry and he rose his fist to make you scared but you reacted pretty badly and passed out. He brought you back here and Mikan took care of you. I didn't tell her about the whole situation except that you passed out ... I didn't know if you were confortable with me telling her or not."

"Thanks, you did great. I don't think it'll be pretty fun to get them to know about it like that. But more importantly, why are you here ?!"

"Oh- well you see, I was worried about and I wanted to make sure you were okay and don't act badly when waking up and end up hurting yourself. That happened to me and I would 't describe the experience as pleasant."

"But aren't you supposed to, you know ... Go to class ???"

"We're not supposed to be in the classroom, we just go here to train. So as long as we do something that help us get better it's okay not to go."

"And how am I supposed to make you better ?"

"It's just ... Every time I'm with you I feel like the luckiest person alive."

Hajime couldn't do anything but blush. Was Nagito hitting on him ?! No. He couldn't be. He was just being nice. A really really nice person. And also, he had to find an excuse to stay with him and see if he was well. After all, there's no way that Nagito collapsed too and just decided not to get out of the room to stay with Hajime or something like that, right.

... Right ?


	15. Chapter 15

Even with all the good will in the world, Hajime couldn't get out of the nursery bed before the last bell rang. It was like him whole body was paralyzed after the incident, too scared to live horrors again. Thankfully, spending time with Nagito helped him a lot to recover. They talked about pretty much anything they had in mind, just not to experience an awkward silence. He learned a lot about Nagito, especially how his luck circles worked in a precise way. It was messed up. Really really messed up. Everything became clear to him after hearing that. Nagito restrained himself from having anyone to care about and became a lot more than just socially awkward. Nagito wasn't only happy to be with Hajime, he was happy to have a friend. It was hard to see how much he cared about the Ultimates and how much they pushed him apart because of it. 

After finally getting out of the main course's building, Hajime started to freak out a bit.

"Shit, I haven't anything to show to the school why was I absent this afternoon !!"

"Don't worry about it, Mikan sent a paper to the office to say that it was totally normal for you not to be okay that afternoon. Oh and also, you're not going to school tomorrow."

"WHAT ?!"

"Yes, you heard me well. You need to rest. You told me that you were okay this morning but is pretty easy to see that you're not. So tomorrow you will rest."

"B-but I just ... I'm ... I just want to go see my friends !"

"Listen, I-I'm not taking you away from them. I know you like them, I saw and heard that. But because you want to see them so badly you'll never take a proper break and you will end up in this situation all the time. So take a good break and when you're feeling really better, you'll go."

"..."

"Is that okay with you ?"

"Yes. It is. Thank you Nagito, you're right. I do need to take care of myself."

"Great, let's go home then."

Going back to this big modern house already felt like home to Hajime somehow. He didn't knew this place for very long but the good things that happened there helped a lot. As soon as he entered the place he jumped into the couch and took a deep breath. He had to relax right ? Getting comfy should be relaxing. At least if Hajime's phone didn't rang as soon as he started to feel good. He sighed and quickly grabbed it, hoping it wasn't important. He clearly wouldn't be able to deal with big problems, exhausted as he was.

"Hinata ? Are you okay sweetie ?"

"Oh, hi Mom ! Well I'm alright ...?"

Nagito, who was in his bathroom looking for medications, took a peek to see what was happening. 

"Alright ? But the principal told me you missed the whole afternoon of class !"

"O-oh. I didn't know they told you as well ! Well I huh ... Caught a cold this weekend. I didn't thought a lot of it but it was a little worse than what I thought. I passed out during the day and that's all, I justed needed to rest a bit. I'll take my day tomorrow as well."

"Thank goodness, I thought you got caught up in some fight like in your old school. Well, I guess in a school like Hope's peak there's no chance you'll get bullies. I just wanted to check about that, take care sweetie, don't forget to call your mom sometimes !"

"Oh ... Yes. I won't. Goodbye mom !"

He hung up and curled into a ball, feeling a bit guilty for the lie he just made up, but he couldn't tell anyone what happened. 

"Hey, Hajime !"

"Yes ?"

"I was ... Huuuh ... Wondering if, you know ..."

"I know ?"

"Well, I thought that maybe you'd feel lonely tomorrow because it's nice to stay at home and all but you might also need company and I sorta have things going on for the afternoon so I won't have classes and I thought we could hang out just the two of us ..? Y'a know if you want, I don't want to force you to stay with a trash li- with me. Hm."

"Oh ! I'd love to ! Do you have any ideas in mind ? I'm not good to find ideas for this kind of things."

"Well there's this new movie ... I think it's called promare ? It was partially animated by one of our classmates and I thought it would be nice to see his wonderful job !"

"Great idea ! I clearly doubt that the work of the ultimate animator will be bad in any way."

"Hehehe, yeah."

"And ... What was that thing you have for you not to get classes ?"

"Oh ! Tch it's nothing. Just a bunch of small medical tests. My cancer is not really aggressive and heals well but it's better not to leave it be without any regular tests."

"Oh. Well it's pretty much logic."

Nagito turned around to go back searching for his medications, but mostly to hide the fact that he was bitting his lip. Nagito always hated to lie. Especially to the ones he liked. But he didn't have the heart to tell him the truth for this.

"I'm going to bed. I left the number of the restaurant I order from before on the kitchen's table, so take whatever you want from them, just leave them a tip."

"You won't eat ?"

"I'm not hungry. Don't worry about me."

Hinata seemed to ignore that last part. He was worried. It was never good to see someone who didn't ate dinner ... Did he even ate something in the morning ? God nagito was a walking mess. 

"Okay, I won't worry, but don't you dare go to school without eating breakfast tomorrow."

"Heh, you act like my mom."

"I-I do ?! Gosh I'm sorry, I shouldn't tell you what to do, after all I'm just-"

"No, no. It's okay. I haven't heard people telling me things like that in a while now. It feels good to know that somehow you care about a scum like me."

Nagito's tone changed to become a little bit ... Nostalgic ? It felt weird to hear that nobody told him to take care of himself for a while ... Didn't he had parents to tell him that ?

"Well, goodnight Hajime."

"Good ..night."

And so Hajime closed his eyes, lost with all his thoughts about his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I think Hajime would think 24/7 about Nagito's health but forgets about his. It's just pure care.


	16. Chapter 16

Nagito was used to it now. White walls. White rooms. White world. He hated hospitals. Each time he went there, it was for bad news. His bad luck often brought him there, but it was rarely for himself. He knew that he wouldn't have to see them a lot more now ... Because everything was going to end. He wasn't going to last and he knew it. This day he will learn about how many days he had left and it felt ... Weird. He never thought he would die at such a young age, especially with his luck. But he couldn't do anything about it. You can't do a lot against cancer if you don't do overexhausting treatments. And Nagito couldn't bring himself to spend the rest of his days in a bed waiting for his end. All he wanted was to bring hope to others, so spending his time hopelessly waiting for an end was the last thing he could do.  
He sat, waited a few minutes and got up when he heard his name. He wasn't even aware of it. He had be doing this at least once a week for about half a year now. It became just some kind of mechanism. 

"Hello Komaeda. Please take a seat."

The doctor wasn't even looking at him. Just at his papers. He felt like he wasn't human even in his eyes, just numbers printed on paper that eventually lead to money.

"The analysis are pretty clear on the results. You probably won't last two more months. Still, with how you live right now, there's a chance you will di-...sapear even faster. Mister komaeda, I know you always were against it but may I-"

"No. No may not. I already know what you will ask me and you already know my answer which is no."

"Still, proper treatments would help you a lot ! I know that you like staying outside and living your life at the fullest but as young as you are you should at least ask an more mature person to tell you-"

"I DON'T need an adult to tell me what to do. I am an adult and I've been raising myself for eleven years now. You might be a doctor but you can't decide what's the best for my mental health."

"You still are reckless. I'm only trying to help you, Komaeda. Every single person that forced themselves to live a normal life at this stage of lymphomia regretted it in their last few days."

"I didn't asked for your thoughts on my decision. I only asked for the results of my analysis."

"... That would be 4000 yens."

"Thank you."

Nagito slowly shook the man's hand, got up and left the room. Every little noise he heard made him sicker. He hated this place. He didn't want to come anymore. He just wanted to stay at his home and stay with the Ultimates until he died. Alone. 

Wait. No. He wasn't alone. Not anymore. 

He walked out of the white building, hoping he wouldn't have to come back too soon, grabbed his motorcycle and his helmet and rushed back to his home. He never liked taking it, even if it did looked pretty nice. Not only his arms felt weak holding the machine but he also felt like he hadn't got any proper control over it. The feeling of being able to just crash into something or loose control of it just because of his bad luck wasn't pleasant. The fact that one of his cousins died like this was also helping in the idea of not liking the vehicle. But he needed something to reach places that were a bit far for him to walk and the fact that Souda changed a few things on it to make it easier to use were two things that kept him from just giving it to some random person. 

Hajime was laying in his bed, thinking. It was hard for him to really get the fact that it was his bed now, but it felt like it. It felt nice getting the day off but after spending nearly 7 hours alone in the house, he understood that what he really needed. Just sleeping and taking time for himself just ... Wasn't enough. He needed someone. Someone to reassure him, to tell him that he was okay. It was strange especially due to the fact that this whole situation was cause by being close to other human beings but he needed some kind of affection to get over it. And the only person he had in mind was Nagito. Yes he did only knew him for less than a week but he just genuinely liked him. He wanted to spend more to time with him, to discuss about anything he could with him, to hug him to-  
Wait  
Did he, like, LIKE him ?!  
There was no way. He knew him for less than a week. But still ... Hajime never fell in love before. Was it supposed to feel like this ? He just appreciated spending time with him and being close to him, he also wanted him to take care of himself and stop being so mean to himself ... Shoot. Did he really ...?

"Hey Hajime ! I really am sorry it took a bit longer than I thought ! Did you have a good day ?"

"Nagito !! I-huh.... Yes. It was really nice to spend the day resting."

It burned him to tell him that he missed him but it didn't felt appropriate. 

"Perfect then. So ... Are you still up to ... You know ... The thing I thought of asking you yesterday ? Well you can totally say no and all but ..."

"YES !! I really would like to go to the movies with you !"

"Huh ?"

"Ah- I was maybe a bit too enthusiast. Spending time for myself was nice but I do prefer spending time with you."

They both smiled a bit awkwardly but still, it felt sincere. Hajime got up, yawned, rushed outside and grabbed Nagito's arm before realizing his action, blushing and letting it go. Nagito didn't do anything but laugh a little, a small light hearted giggle. 

He knew that at least he wouldn't die alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you see that ? It's the beginning of the angst that will flood this fic.


	17. Chapter 17

The day passed. Each day was better than the last one. The Ultimates were closer and closer to Hajime and he even got to insert nagito a little bit into the group. It wasn't easy but after telling him again and again not to put himself down and helping him to understand what was acceptable or not to say in public, he got a bit along with the others. It felt a lot awkward but it was nice nonetheless. Hajime got more and more attached to Nagito, finally getting the help he needed with him. Even if he wasn't always saying the right things at the right time he always did his best to help and that was more than enough to make the reserve student confortable. Every day he enjoyed his time with his friend and every night he questioned himself about his feeling for him. He never was able to find an answer to it, even after multiple internet researches. It was pretty frustrating not to understand his own feelings but he knew one thing : he needed nagito. 

And Nagito needed him too. And that was the major problem.   
Nagito quickly understood how attached he got to Hajime but it was scaring him more than anything else. Every little part of his body craved for affection except his brain that was screaming that everything wasn't supposed to be like that. Nagito had lost every single person he loved to this day. Every. Single. One. And even in his deepest memories he never loved someone this much, even with a relationship that lasted for only two weeks. It was wrong and selfish. He was putting Hajime in danger because he needed him. He needed him more than anything else in the entire world, but that could only bring the worst bad luck possible, right ?   
Still ... Nagito didn't want to die alone. He didn't realize how scared he was of dying alone and now he thought about Hajime being here every night. He had someone. Someone that cared about him and appreciated him. He could only dream of closing his eyes for the last time holding his hand. He could go knowing that he left a mark on this world.   
...  
Even if he would have preferred staying a little longer.

The lunch break of the day was nice, as always. This day Ibuki and Chiaki had prepared a guitar hero themed lunch, and Teruteru cooked some delicious mochis with the help of Nagito who wanted to test his luck and see if hands would last the whole process without getting crushed by the hammer. They did last but after learning about it Hajime got pretty annoyed that he put himself in danger like this.   
When Hajime got back to the entrance, a few other students were following him to keep talking a bit before having to go back to their classes. It became pretty quickly a habit, the Ultimates were having so much fun with him that they couldn't bare to let him go without saying a few more words. But this time, right after Hajime passed through the portail, the other reserve students felt ... Different. Their looks were aggressive, even more than usually. Still, Hajime did what he had learned to do. Turn his head, ignore them and continue walking. All they could do was talking shit about him behind his back or even if front of him. But even if it was frustrating it was mostly lies and none of his friends heard of anything spreading through the reserve course because the two buildings never shared anything without already having links from the main course. So like always, Hajime walked to the classroom, sat on his chair and tried his best to focus on the lesson. Like always, excellent grades were pretty easy to obtain but perfect 100/100 were rare because Hajime hated to study out of school. Before it was because it meant that he had to bring papers at his job, now mainly because it meant that he got less time to spend with others, especially with Nagito. Besides, he didn't need to study much because he already had a pretty impressive memory. If he was focused enough he could just print something in his memory and come back later to check it. If he was disturbed in any way, it was pretty difficult for him to get informations and he could even loose a good portions of memory. Some called it photographic memory, he just thought it was something that any normal person would do.   
The day ended and Hajime grabbed his bag and got out of the building but ... The looks were still here. They were following him for a reason or another.

"Haaajime ... I knew you looked down on us but not even bothering to look a us directly ? That's so mean of you !"

"Well, at least we know for sure that he's a dick."

Hinata never really appreciated answering childish talks like this but he had enough.

"Okay. I get it, you want me to talk. What do you even want from me ?"

"Huh ? The guy wants to know "what do we want ?" Awh come on little bitch, aren't you the genius of the class ? You're supposed to know everything, not us."

He clenched his teeth.

"So you want us to ask the obvious afterall, huh. You look down on us THAT much. Fuck you."

"You're not the only one who wants to get into main course's building. Everyone got refused but your little ass, for some reason, was happily accepted to go there. Get us in the place or we'll make you eat your own teeth."

"L-look I've done nothing special. I'm just friends with some of the main course's-"

"Well then if you just need to be friends with them just introduce us. We'll be very happy to be all gentle and friendly like lil fucking puppies around them."

"T-that's not-"

One of the guys in the group grabbed Hajime by the neck and shoved him against the wall, hitting him hard enough to make him feel a bit light-headed. He tried to move but his body just ... Refused. He was frozen still, unable to do anything. He felt weak, just like before, when he ...

"Listen up bitch. We don't fucking care about what you think nor what you want to do. This place is everyone's goal here and you found a method to go there. So either you show us how to get in, or we'll fucking blow your head."

"Oh no I don't think you will."

The small group turned around to see a young boy with a small rock in his hand, looking apparently pretty pissed.

"Who the fuck are you ?!" 

The young boy didn't answer and just throwed the rock as hard as he could against the wall, missing the bully's head from a few centimeters.

"What ?! You think you're going to impress us with that little thing ?"

The rock bounced against the wall, hit and nearby small tree and apparently scared the birds that were sleeping in it. The whole pack of little creatures started to panic, some flying away towards the sky, waking up even more birds but some apparently thinking of something else. Crows started dashing through the leaves and attacked the group with their beaks and claws, the birds flying off waking more and more birds which brought even more and more crows.

"OUTCH !! WHAT THE- IS ?! WHAT THE FUCK ?! HOW DID YOU ?!"

"OWWH THAT HURTS !!"

"NOT THE EYES NOT THE EYES-"

"To answer your question, I'm Nagito Komaeda, the Ultimate lucky student. And I'm very happy to announce to you all that you'll never get into the main course. Your hopes are just disgusting. You're just worthless humans that climb desperately to ultimates' legs trying to get a bit of their power. You don't even deserve to be near me nor Hajime."

Nagito clapped with his hands and the crows cawed and flew away, leaving the group in a mess.

"Now disapear. I don't want to hear about you ever again."

The group ran away shouting all kinds of things. Insults, comments on how weird the event was, kids complaining about their hair being all messed up ...

"T-thank you so much Nagito ..."

"It's nothing really. I was just happy to help you. I'm glad you're okay. Still happy about not getting into a fight tho, I'm not that good with-"

Hajime basically jumped into Nagito's arms, almost making him collapse. 

"NAGITO... I WAS SO SCARED ... THERE WERE ALL AROUND ME AND I WAS ... I JUST ... I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ... I FELT SO BAD, SO BAD..."

Nagito was barely staring up but doing his best to help his friend calm down, petting his back again and again.

"It's okay ... You're okay now. Listen. I'm with you."

"Y-yeah ... You are"

"I swear I won't let anyone hurt you anymore. I will protect you."

And with that, nagito hugged him and left a small kiss on his cheeks.   
He was definitely in love.  
And that was a big, BIG problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so as a French person I SWEAR it was super hard for me to make something with the idea that in other countries a kiss on the cheek isn't something you do for a bromance


	18. Chapter 18

That kiss was unexpected, on each side. Nagito never kissed someone, not even his own mother. It was really the last way of showing affection he could have thought of and still, he did it. Maybe because it was how all of the romantic movies he watched portayed it ? A simple gesture that meant a lot to each person involved.

Hajime was really confused in a lot of ways. He wasn't expecting that, like genuinely. Nagito looked like he was the type to really really appreciate hugs and other physical ways to show affection but apparently was too shy to ask about it. The fact that Hajime was sometimes reacting in a pretty bad way after certain types of contacts was probably helping but he was never against a good hug. He wouldn't deny that he appreciated the gesture still. It wasn't asked but it wasn't on the lips so it wasn't as awkward when it ended. It also helped a lot Hajime for not focusing on the fact that he was just almost destroyed by a gang of douchebags. Now he was just thinking of Nagito, Nagito, oh my God did he really do that, wait did he liked it, Nagito, fuck why did he liked it that much, was he gay, Nagito, fuck he wanted more. 

"So uuhh ..."

"Uuuh ... Yes ...?"

"About that ..."

"Hahaha... Yes I uuuh..."

"I want to know ... You know ..."

"Huuh-uh ...?"

"Do you want to maybe ... Talk about it ?"

Both were blushing like they never did, looking like a bunch of 12 years old after hugging under a blanket during a movie.

"Well if you're not against it I'm willing to but I ... Think we should get back home before anything."

"Oh. OH yes you're right ! Anyone could hear us. Wait did anyone saw-"

"I don't see anyone and with my luck I'm guessing there's no one but ... Maybe it's better if we don't just stand here with our arms like that because if I understood well it's normally something you shouldn't do unless you're in an established relationship-"

"OH FUCK I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY"

They awkwardly got separated and went together into the next bus station, with a few embarassed looks in the way. The bus ride was long. Veeeery long. Their heads were just exploding with questions, wanting to ask them but also wanting to keep them in their heads because the answer might be embarrassing. Even the walk to their home was silent. But once the door was passed, both let out a big sigh and started to blush like tomatoes. 

"Sooo uuuuh ..."

"Yes uuuh ..."

"Well... I'm gonna ask it so we'll be clear. Do you like like me ? Like not in a friend only way ?"

"... There's not point in hiding it I guess. Yes. I think I'm in love with you."

"I see..."

"I mean ... I think ?? I'm sorry but I've never felt things like this before and it's very strange and I don't know what to think about it ... I just want to spend time with you more and more and to know that you're safe and to protect you and hold your hand and all..."

"Yeah I'm pretty sure that's how the feeling works ..."

"And you ? Do you think there is something ? I mean I don't want to force you or anything and you might think I'm a bad friend for feeling this and-"

"I'm not sure yet but I think the answer is yes."

"Huh ?!"

"It's still very soon for me because you know ... We haven't know each other for very long. But still I think I'm in love with you. You were really kind to me and I just ... Appreciate you as a person ? God it's hard to express this kind of feeling..."

"Heh. I kinda get that."

Another long silence approached. Maybe a little less awkward but still pretty confused.

"So uuuh ... Does that makes us boyfriends ?"

"HUH ?!"

"I-I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN !! I've just ... Been alone my whole life and nobody explained things like this to me so I'm kind of lost."

"Well... It doesn't make us automatically boyfriends but if I'm not wrong we can make it happen !"

"Understood. So ... Will you be my boyfriend ?"

"Well, don't have any answers to that except yes."

Both smiled, blushing slightly. They sat on the couch, hugging each others a bit. They weren't sure how to do it, constantly checking in the other's eyes if they were okay with it. It all ended in a big laugh after spending a few minutes with back and forth conversations with only their arms and eyes. 

"... Nagito ?"

"Yes ?"

"... May I kiss you ?"

Nagito made a small nod and wrapped his arms around his new boyfriend. The kiss was pretty clumsy. Their teeth touched a few times, their tongues weren't sure how what they were supposed to do and it quickly ended with Nagito gasping for air. 

"That was ... Yeah that was pretty bad. Well it was good anyway but I was pretty bad at it."

"Don't worry Hajime, we'll have plenty of time to train of you want"

"NAGITO !!"

Hajime grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at the white haired boy who was laughing pretty hard. 

In the end, the day ended pretty much like the others but the feeling was different. It was nice to show each other affection without any limit not to be suspected of anything. And just before going to their respective rooms, a few words slipped out of Hajime's mouth.

"Good night. I love you."

"Wh-wha-"

"Oh sorry ! Maybe it's a little soon for things like that ?"

"N-not at all ! It just felt like ... A dream ... Yeah I imagined you saying that so many times it's hard to understand that this time it was real."

"Oh ! Well now I'll make sure you won't hear it only in your dreams."

"Yeah ... Hahaha ... Good night."

Nagito almost slammed the door behind him, his hand was grasping the doorknob as hard as possible. He slowly walked to his bed, where a small sheet of paper was laying. The analysis.

Tears were once again shed, a small mix of pure sadness and pure joy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love to write about two guys that are in love but have no fucking idea of what they're supposed to do with that feeling


	19. Chapter 19

12:30 a.m   
Again, the room of the 77th class was noisy and full of students screaming in every corner. The class was playing some card game and everyone looked like they were having the time of their life"

"I think Nagito is a werewolf !"

"Huh ? Why me ?"

"I heard you move last night. During the werewolf's turn"

"I was just stretching ! Why does that makes me suspicious ?"

"I'm pretty sure everyone who moves during that turn is suspicious"

"We shouldn't vote so fast. Last turn Nagito helped us find out that Ibuki was a werewolf right ?"

"Ibuki approves but has no idea how the fuck nagito knew about that."

"Shhh Ibuki you're supposed to be dead"

"Thanks for defending me Fuyuhiko !"

Sonia brought that game from France after her travels. It was pretty simple : a little town with villagers and werewolfs. You know your role with a card you pick from the game and nobody else knows your role. Each night the werewolfs kills a villager and each day the town decide on someone they should kill hoping it would be a werewolf. The last clan to survive is the winner. It might not be as fun as a video game party but still it was really fun to see what kind of trick they pulled to each other when they were fighting with strategies. 

"So nobody has any theories huh ... I think we should kill Mikan !"

"H-uh ?! Why me ??"

"Just because ~"

"I'll talk then."

"Huh ? Peko"

"My situation is pretty complicated but I think it would make the game more interesting to win. Believe me or not but I have the power to see one of your cards each turn and I already know a few werewolves."

"Ooooh you're the all seeing one ?! That's so nice !"

"Behold, princess. The sword master could be lying about her status."

"Yes, it is a nice power to have. Sadly, I also have another secret. The matchmaker linked me to a werewolf and so if they die I die as well. So now you have a choice : you may decide to kill me and kill a werewolf at the same time but you'll loose all my knowledge. Or you let me live, I let you all know the name of a few wolves but you will not be allowed to kill my beloved."

"That's ... So messed up."

"Wooooohoo that game just got pretty interesting !"

Hajime smiled in the corner of the room, sat next to Ibuki. He was killed by the wolves on the first night of the game so he was just watching it, smiling a bit. To be fair, he was mostly watching Nagito. He was just completely absorbed by the way he was acting. He was just so good at analysing people that he won almost each game until that moment. It was fascinating how bad he was with interpersonal relationships but how good he was with seeing lies and understanding their strategies. 

"Helloooo Ibuki to Hajime Roger !"

"Oh ! S-sorry you've been talking to me ?"

"Yuppidy yup Ibuki was. You sure are interested in Nagito, aren't you ?"

"Well ... Uhh ... I think his methods are pretty interesting."

That wasn't the only thing for him to watch him but technically he wasn't lying. The day before, they decided to be together as a couple. It was really really difficult for him to process the whole thing. He never had any girlfriend before ... Well at least no serious relationship. Most of the time it was just his friends forcing him with a random girl because "he needed to grab some ass at his age" or something like that, which he didn't really appreciate. Was it any different with a boyfriend ? What was he supposed to do ? Did he had a role to fit in or something ? Clearly he couldn't ask nagito about this kind of stuff because he was even worse about it. He was pretty bad with friends, so with lovers, let's not think about it. Hajime wanted to be a good lover. Maybe just kissing and hugging was okay ? Maybe he had to do more stuff ? Clearly Nagito was kind of attractive but ... Was he interested in sex ? Could Hajime even do something like that with him, even after-

"Helloooo Hajime ?"

"Ah- sorry Ibuki, I'm overthinking everything and may be spacing out a bit."

"Welp, it'll make a good song. "The forgetful boy who overthinks everything.""

"Hehe ..."

The room suddenly became noisy again.

"Aaaaah fuckk I knew we shouldn't have kill peko ! Now our all seeing one and our witch are dead !"

"At least Gundham'd role was fitting... Sorry Gundham I shouldn't have doubted your word."

" It is okay dear princess, I am sure you will bring our group to victory !"

Like always, the hour went pretty fast but a lot of things happened. The game was pretty fun and filled with betrayals of all kinds which was really fun. After eating a little bit for them not to start the afternoon with an empty stomach, Nagito got up and took Hajime's hand to ask him to go together to the entry, request he quickly accepted. 

"I guess we don't have this little moment for ourselves a lot anymore, huh ? Now there's always a small group to bring me back to the entrance..."

"Yes, you became quite popular among the class Hajime, I'm not sure why but I guess that's why I like you too."

"Should ... I take that as a compliment ?"

"You can if you want !"

Hajime stopped just before the last building and grabbed his boyfriend's hand.

"Huh ?"

"Hey Nagito ... May I kiss you ?"

He quickly looked around to see if they were far enough from the entry, and Nagito quickly wrapped his arms around Hajime to give him a kiss. This one was shorter than the first one but it felt better. Hajime guessed he just needed a little training after all. After being separated, they looked at each other for a bit of time before smiling and nuzzling. It was perfect. The best boyfriend for the best boy and-

"Wooooh now I get why you were so obsessed with him before !"

"Ibuki ?!"

"Ibuki was just there cuz mister spiky hair forgot his bag and someone had to bring it but I wasn't expecting that !"

"I-ibuki would you mind not telling anyone ? Please, I'm not ready for any of this to be public and I would prefer not to have any rumors about me in the main course..."

"Mmmh. Okay. Ibuki understand, she wouldn't want anyone to find it out she likes girls in this kind of way. But I'll definitely use this as song inspiration !! I kissed a boy and I liked it ~"

Ibuki dropped the bag and slowly walked of, humming so kind of tone.

"Pfiew ... I guess we were lucky."

"My talent can be useful sometimes."

"And here I thought your talent was being gay."

"Huh ? Oh, I know you might be the ultimate gay student !! That's why you-"

"N-NO WAY !!"

"Huh ? Why not ?"

Both boys walked off to the entry, a smile on their faces and a secret in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know if the game "werewolf of tiercelieux" is known outside of France but it's just the best game ever to play in a group so I couldn't resist making the class playing a bit.


	20. Chapter 20

The moonlight illuminated the room where Nagito was sleeping, passing through his closed eyes and waking him up. Even if he was happy to wake up every morning, he couldn't help but feel horrible each day he woke up. The painkillers lasted a pretty good time but it never lasted the whole night. Nagito yawned and tried to get up but something felt ... Off. He was pushing as hard as he could on his arms but he couldn't get up. After a few tries Nagito's face went completely white. He looked at his hands, nothing was apparently wrong with it. He didn't felt like he had a fever or anything he just felt ... Weak. He realized something was wrong but there was nothing to do about it. He knew this was coming. He wasn't going to last. He took a deep breath and finally managed to get on his feet, not without a certain dizziness. He grabbed a pack of pills and ate few, not even caring about having a glass of water to help. He slowly opened the door and took a look at Hajime's room. His heart felt like it was put in an hydrolic press. He loves him. He loved him so much. And the feeling was shared. That's litteraly all he wanted in his entire life. So why ? Why did it felt so bad ? 

"Oh good morning Nagito ! You're up pretty early today !"

"Heh, you too Hajime."

"I just had a weird dream that woke me up in a rush and I couldn't get myself asleep again."

Hajime's voice crumbled a bit with that sentence. He slowly walked to nagito and put his arms around his torso, before whispering :

"I'm so glad I met you Nagito. I owe you so much. I love you. Thank you."

Nagito bit his lip, trying not to appear weak in front of his boyfriend. He never thought he could be so happy and so sad at the same time.

"I love you too."

The hug lasted a few minutes and ended with Hajime starring at Nagito with the most beautiful smile he saw. He felt like a puppy that was too innocent for anything and that needed to protected more than anything else. 

"You know what ? Since we're both up, let's do something. If you liked the last time I brought you to the bakery maybe we could do that again ?" 

"O-oh ! Yes !! I would love that ! But ... Aren't you spending a bit too much on -"

"I never spend too much money for you. Understood ? As long as you are happy, I am."

Hajime blushed and nodded before going back to his room, grabbing his bag and rushing back to the front door of the house. The beginning of this morning truly felt like heaven. They arrived at the bakery nearly an hour before any classes. Hajime let himself go and ate as much as he could. A few weeks ago he only ate pastas and rice, and drank a lot of alcohol in his work so tasting anything different felt amazing. He basically spent the last weeks nearly crying with any bite he took. He was so obsessed with his food that it took him a whole minute to notice his boyfriend was slowly petting his hair. He looked in his direction and smiled, which made Nagito blush and freeze.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm such trash ... I shouldn't have ..."

"Hey, I literally didn't do anything that would say I didn't appreciate it."

"I know, I'm sorry ... I'm just stressed. You know, we're just 5 minutes from Hope's peak and someone might recognize you and-"

"Honestly, I haven't told you about it but there's several rumors about me in the reserve student and honestly ? I don't care anymore. I love men. I love you. If they're not happy about that, fuck them."

"..."

" I something wrong Nagito ?"

"If they do anything to you again, please tell me. I want to protect you. I'm your boyfriend, that's what I'm here for. I'm here to love and support you, support your hope and I won't let anyone interfere !"

I want to protect you while I still can. 

"Awh Nagito ... I get it. I promise. I'll tell you if I need your help. Buuut you also have to promise me the same thing. If you have any problem, you have to tell me and I'll help."

"Well, I-"

"Promise."

"... It's a promise."

He couldn't. He couldn't promise that. For obvious reasons. What could he tell him ? That he was going to die ? Very soon ? He was just going to disapear from his life after becoming his boyfriend ? How would he react ? Will he be mad ? Will he not love him anymore ? That would logical, why would you spend time with someone who will die soon ? No ... He wanted to be honest with him. He needed to. It was scary and pretty confusing but he had to. That's what he wanted this relationship to be. Not something to last but something intense, so he wouldn't regret anything in the end. He loved him, with all his heart.

"Hajime... I-"

"Oh hello you two ! I wasn't expecting to see you there !"

Both boys turned around to see a young blond girl accompanied by a little older boy with bright green hair. 

"Oh Sonia ! What are you doing here ?"

"My friend wanted to show me a good bakery he found nearby and thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of my room a little sooner to try getting breakfast here."

"I really hope you won't get in trouble because of me, Sonia. I just wanted to show you the place before going back to Australia." 

"Wait ... Are you Rantaro Amami !?"

"I sure am ! Am I still a thing around here ? Gosh that's a bit embarrassing... I really hope I don't have any fans anymore."

"Well I wouldn't consider myself a fan but I've collected a bit of informations to see who were the last generation of Ultimates and you really stood out ! Your adventures are pretty incredible !"

"Awh thanks !"

"Errrrrh why do everyone nice I meet has to be an Ultimate of some sort ?! I-it's not against you or anything I just feel like I'm the only who's not an Ultimate here !"

"Haha ! Well I think you'd fit pretty well with us. Everything doesn't have to be about talent y'know ? I've never thought my passion would be considered a talent but here I am ! Honestly you should just do things you like and you'll gain just a lot of good things like this."

"Well, he is my friend after all, I can absolutely confirm that he is someone with potential ! And ... I also really like when we do things together."

"Well that's easy for you to say !"

"Awh come on you're really something else Hajime don't try to deny it !"

The hour quickly passed and even if Rantaro definitely felt like a big brother to the whole group, it didn't stop them from having fun and laughing so much that a few people walking by actually turned around to see what was happening. Hajime finally left the group a few minutes before the class began and quickly got to his classroom before noticing something ... Odd. 

Where was his teacher ?

Why is there a highly detailed drawing of human anatomy on the blackboard ?

Why was there a pile of condoms on the teacher's desk ?

"Well, it seems you are the last student in the class. Very well. You may sit and we'll start today's class."

"W-wait, is there something special today ?"

"As we told you last month, today we'll talk about sexual education !"

... Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey huuuh ... Just so you know happy little Nagito who goes around without caring too much about his health isn't going to last.


	21. Chapter 21

Hajime completely forgot that he was supposed to have a special day in school for this kind of purpose. Yes, it was mandatory but he didn't write it anywhere because he knew he wouldn't stay in this school long enough to see it when it was announced. Well, at least that's what he thought. 

The lessons were basic but apparently his class was made entirely of people that didn't know anything about basic sex even if they spent their time insulting him because he made a living out of it. 

"What do you mean two girls can have sex together ?!"

"Well, anyone can have sex with anyone if they both consent to it and have protections."

"No but how does this work ?! They can't have sex without a penis right ?"

"They just invite a guy to fuck them both ! Haven't you ever of threeways ?!"

Hinata sighed and did his best not to pay attention to everything stupid he heard. Maybe it was because he was a sex worker, or because he didn't want to think that everyone his his class were just complete idiots, but he couldn't hear anything coming out of their mouths without wanting to scream that it was wrong. All he could do was hope that everything will be okay and not too akward. Hope, hope, hope. Suddenly, one thought came through his mind. Nagito. He wasn't sure why he thought of him that this exact time, perhaps because the only he could watch without seeing his class was the main building or because he was just repeating over and over that he was hoping for something, but the simple thought of him suddenly got mixed with the idea of sex. He began blushing, putting his hand on his mouth to hide the fact that he was bitting his lip. What was he thinking ?? Nagito ?? Have sex ?! Was he even interested in this kind of stuff ? No clearly not, he didn't even react when he got naked in front of him. Wait. Maybe he was just polite ? Oh god he was polite because he didn't Hajime to be hurt. Oh god. This memory was just so embarrassing, and all he could do to forget about it was ... Just listening to the class. 

"So let's talk about the main thing about healthy sex. It's a simple thing but people tend to forget about it."

"Cumming ? If you don't then it's not sex right ?"

"No it's fingering."

"Guuuys he's talking about condoms !"

Hinata sighed as loud as he could, to make sure everyone could hear him. After a few seconds he answered what seemed the most obvious thing to him.

"It's consent. It's never healthy if there is no consent."

The morning was long and pretty meh for Hajime. Thankfully he was a lot less stressed than he thought he would be. Somehow after speaking so loudly about something so important made him be some kind of helper for the instructor. Even if some of the students still looked at him with a disgusted eye, a few of them actually went to be more curious than anything and apparently started to view him with a different eye. Hajime wasn't especially pleased by that fact but he certainly wasn't against it.   
The instructor's questions and asks for exemple were never intrusive nor embarassing, he never made any comments on Hajime's pretty big knowledge for his age and thanked him a lot for sharing his experiences. For once in his life, Hajime felt appreciated by normal people because he was good at something. Even during recess, a few students came to him to ask him for advices the they couldn't bring themselves to ask in front of the class. Not only this day was not bad for Hinata, but it was even better than everything he hoped for.   
Wait.  
That really wasn't the first time that he thought that his hope was something that brought him good luck. Was it just a coincidence ? It was maybe too big to be just a coincidence. He had to tell Nagito.

Lunch came pretty fast and once again, Hajime dashed to get to the entrance of the main building. 

"Hey Hajime ! How was your morning ?"

"Hey Nagito it was ... Correct ? We had sex education programed today."

"O-oh. Was it ...?"

"Strangely enough it wasn't bad for me ? I think I'm more afraid of violence or actual physical contact than the idea of sex itself."

Then the idea of Nagito doing it with him quickly crossed his mind. It was enough to make him blush but not enough for Nagito to notice it apparently. 

"And ... What about you Nagito ? How was your morning ?"

"Well, we were training for our exams this afternoon."

"Oh shoot you have your exams ?! Maybe I shouldn't come-"

"No no ! You're always welcome here. And, besides that, you'd be a great help to cheer everyone up. That's our first exam of our first year and usually, it's the most difficult one. Some of us are only thinking about the consequences on their lifes if they fail so it would be better to just go and see them like you know nothing."

"Oh. Understood. And, uuuh ..."

"Yes ?"

"N-nothing. My bad"

He knew that Nagito was really interested in his hope and wanted to talk about what happened but ... It felt too awkward. How could he say that ? I hoped for something and it worked ? It's basically like praying to a god but there is no god and it apparently works ? Gosh that felt stupid. 

"Hi everyone !"

"Oh thank god here's Hajime. I absolutely need your help to taste my pot au feu. Pleaaase ?"

"No no no ! You gotta hear Ibuki's last song first ! I really need you to tell me what do you think about it !"

"Maybe you'll have time to check my last photos after that ?"

"Woaw woaw woaw. Calm down everyone. Nagito told me about what was happening today. I know it's difficult and all but I can't see you all one after another. If it helps you feel better I can try to make things for you but ... Maybe we can try to do more that one thing at the time ? I can hear Ibuki's song while eating your dishes, right Teruteru ?"

"Oh ! I see ! Great idea ! I'll go fetch everything from the kitchen."

"Come on man, everyone is making such a big deal about this exam ... It's not that big of a deal."

"You literally have tears rolling down your cheeks, machine tamer."

"Shut up ! SHUT UP GUNDHAM ! I'm just nervous because everyone is ! It's just some kind of mimicking or something !"

"Souda ... We can talk a bit if it makes you feel better, you know ? I'm not an ultimate like you but... It doesn't mean I don't understand what being stressed for an exam is like."

" ..."

The pink haired teen sat next to Hajime, pouting, but immediately started talking about how much this exam would affect his family financially if he didn't make it through. Everyone was so stressed but the simple fact that Hajime was here with them helped the atmosphere to get a lot less tense. Hajime tried his best to help everyone in need, discussing with the others he couldn't help with actions. After the hour was finished, he left the place with a large smile and everyone was cheered up. After closing the door, he closed his eyes and clapped his hands before thinking as hard as he could. 

"Please. I hope with all my heart that everyone will make it."

The whole class immediately started to go the gym, everyone except nagito and Chisa, who were watching from behind. Nagito needed to stay longer in the classroom because his test needed a longer preparation, and Chisa wasn't allowed to go there because of her attachment to her students. The administration though that it was better for her not to be in a situation that will only make her want to cheer for the ones that are supposed to stay as calm and serious as possible. 

Nagito grabbed a bottle of panta from his bag and drank a few sips.

"You see Nagito ? You didn't have to be so stressed about this test. I'm sure everyone will not only pass, but they'll get exceptional grades ! All they needed was a little motivation."

"Yes, you're right."

"I'm sure you'll have a wonderful future too. No matter what you may think."

"... It's not ..."

"Awh come on Nagito ! I know you have bad luck too, but you're my precious student and I believe in you !"

Nagito's voice started shaking 

"It's not like that ..."

"Then why are you ..?"

"I ... Don't want to die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy here we go let's all jump into the angst train tchootchoo


	22. Chapter 22

He said it. He finally said it. He admitted to himself the worse thing possible. From the beginning of Hope's peak he knew he hadn't much time left but he he did his best to convince himself that it was okay, and that he was prepared to it. That was the case, until he met Hajime. At first he thought that he would at least have someone to bring hope to by giving his heritage. Then he started to develop deeper feelings. And he thought that at least he would have someone to die with. Someone that he loved. Then they became boyfriends. And it was too late. Nagito's time was running out in the best period of his entire life. He just denied the feeling the last few days but now there was no way he could deny it. He was afraid to die. He didn't want it to end. He wanted it to last, just a little longer.

Chisa's face turned completely white with Nagito's answer but she still maintained her smile.

"Well, everyone is afraid of dying Nagito. It's pretty normal."

"I'm going to die soon. Very soon. I'm scared. I don't want everything to end."

"A-are you saying that because of your luck ? It's okay, your bad luck will overcome-"

"I have cancer. It's on its final stage. I won't make it. It's a type of cancer without any known effective cure right now."

"Why-"

"I know what you're going to ask. Why am I not in an hospital ? Why am I here ? Isn't the school aware of my situation ? To be fair, I've told them that I had a severe illness but I've never mentioned what it was so it's not lying. And for the cure part ... I simply hate hospitals. It's like a prison with white everywhere, smells that drives you crazy and small beeps everywhere. I've seen too many people die there. I hate it. I know what theses white walls mean. I don't want it ... I don't want it..."

Nagito started repeating over and over the same sentences in whispers, in a very childish way. He spent his childhood being as mature as he could but in the end, he acted immature right before his end. How ironic. 

Suddenly, Nagito felt something behind him, as well as two arms around his chest. 

"I'm sorry for you ... I'm sorry I've never noticed ... I would need so much to tell you it's going to be okay but I can't ... Please, don't restrain yourself from being sad, it'll only be worse. Just, do your best for your last days. I know it's hard to believe but the class loves you, and I do too. So go on, say it. Please say that you don't want to die. It's the best you can do as a human being right now. Please."

Nagito felt water rolling down his cheeks and took a few seconds to realise that it was his tears. He completely collapsed on his table, breathless, crying as much as he could.

"I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I DON'T WANT TO DIE !!!" 

Hajime's afternoon went pretty much in the same way as his morning. Pretty much was the word. After talking about a good number of things related to sex, the teacher started to talk in details about the act. Most of the class was either disgusted or laughing, but Hajime wasn't any of thoses things. He was horny. Spending a few minutes with Nagito earlier made his hormones explode and the fact that the teacher was insisting on homosexual relationships wasn't helping at all. Hajime felt like he wanted to just jump on his boyfriend after the class ended and do things with him in some bushes. He was glad that the idea of having sex wasn't disgusting him, but even if his hormones were yelling he clearly wasn't going to do what he had in mind. 

After the end of the day, Hajime rushed to the entrance as always, but Nagito seemed ... Off. His eyes were all foggy, he was walking pretty slowly and he seemed even more tired than usual. 

"N-nagito ! Are you okay ? You seem ... Very weak ..."

"Hey ... Well, the exam went well but it really was exhausting for me. Also I fell down the stairs earlier so I guess it doesn't help."

Right after that sentence Hajime noticed bandages behind his hair. 

"Oh gosh !! Is it-"

"It's fine, it hurts a bit but Mikan took great care of it. I'll just need to change the bandages tonight."

"I'll help. Let's go home for now, you really need rest."

Both got onto their buses and once sat Nagito immediately collapsed on Hajime's legs. He was both physically and mentally exhausted by the day and clearly needed a nap. Hajime smiled and looked at his sleepy boyfriend before slowly rubbing his hand in his hair. He never noticed how thin his hair was. It felt so fragile that he could tear a handful of hair without even tugging that much. It was probably due to his hair color, Hajime heard that turning your hair into pale colors might hurt your skin. He wanted to try it on himself but ... He felt too anormal with it. He already had a pretty big ahoge, that thing was enough for him. 

The bus stopped. Nagito got up, a bit dizzy. His boyfriend helped him to get through the street and into the house. There, Nagito told Hajime that it was okay and slowly walked in a zombie-like manner to his room. It was pretty hilarious to watch but Hajime prefered to stay quiet to help him sleep. He did thought the exams would hard but he surely wasn't expecting it to be so exhausting !

After a few hours, Nagito finally woke up for good. It was nearly 10 P.M and for the first time in forever he actually felt hungry. Well, it wasn't helped by the fact that something smelled really, really good in the house. 

"Mhnnnn ... Hey Hajime what is smelling like that ?"

"Nagito ! You're awake ! I hope it's not my fault ... I thought I could surprise you tonight after all your hard work and instead of taking already cooked things for tonight I went down shopping a bit ! I-I'm not the best to cook but that was all I could thought of to make you feel better. Is it okay with you ?"

Two big bowls of rice with deeply fried katsudon on it were laying on the table in front of the TV, along with a few yakitoris. The kitchen was quite a mess but it clearly wasn't a problem since Nagito never used it in the first place.

"I ... I.."

"Maybe you're tired again ? You should-"

"I love it !! This is amazing ! I-I could never do that without breaking something ! Did you cook that all by yourself ?! For me ?! I'm just so glad ! C-can I eat it ?"

"Well I didn't made it just for you to drool on it."

Nagito grabbed his chopsticks and quickly ate a few bites, almost choking in the process. It was really, really good. Of course it was nothing compared to the work of an ultimate like Teruteru but it felt good in a different way. It was warm, comforting. It felt like family. 

"I'm guessing you like it." Said Hinata, slowly getting next to him and starting eating his own bowl.  
Nagito didn't manage to finish everything that was meant for him, but it didn't mattered to any of them. After being done eating, Nagito sighed and put his head on his boyfriend's should with a big smile on his face. 

"Hey Nagito, I can't eat like that ! Move please !"

"Don't want tooooo"

"Awh come on you just have to wait until I finish the rice-"

"Awh Hajime is rejecting meeee..."

"I-I'm not !"

Both of them just started a childish war that quickly turned into a small cat fight right after Hajime put his bowl down. Both of them were laughing heavily, looking at each other's face to see how much they would make them blush.  
After a while Hajime blocked Nagito on the couch, laying down on him with both of his arms surrounding him. 

"I give up, I give up ! You're so strong Hinata !"

"Hehehe. Looks like I won. Can I receive my price ?"

With theses words, Nagito grabbed both of Hajime's cheeks and kissed him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, thanks for being patient  
My chronical illness is kicking in right now and I'm so focusing on pain that I always forget to update  
Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, a bit of sweetness for thoses two is always nice <3


	23. Chapter 23

Hajime's mind was completely blown away. Nagito kissing him. Nagito being trapped under him. Nagito completely under his control. That was a lot to take in. 

"Hey Hajime ... Are you okay ? You look like a mess." 

"Haha ... Yeah ... Kinda."

Nagito noticed after a bit that Hajime was still blush pretty heavily even if the situation wasn't as intense as before. But something came to his mind and he looked down to Hajime's pants, noticing that something was up down here. 

"Owh. Uh ..."

"You noticed ?! I-I'm so sorry I was hoping you wouldn't ... You know after a whole day talking about that my mind was just ... I'm sorry !"

"Hey no, don't be ! I'm your boyfriend afterall, and that is a natural reaction right ?"

"It is, but still ... That's embarrassing."

Nagito got up to sit on the couch, staring at Hajime. After a few seconds, words came out of his mouth.

"Maybe you'd like some help to make it through ?"

"W-WHAT ??"

"I'm sorry ! Was this inappropriate ?! Oh gosh it was inappropriate. I'm so sorry ... I was just thinking that you know, it'd be better if you just let it out and take a good time but with your situation and me involved maybe it's not the best idea and it would be kind of embarrassing, I know I'm not that attractive and-"

"N-No I didn't mean that I wasn't interested, it's just that it was very, very surprising ! Especially from you, you don't seem to be someone very ... Lewd."

"So ... Does that mean that you are interested ?"

"Well huh... I ... Wouldn't deny that ? Gosh why am I so awful at this, it was my literal job a few weeks ago ..."

Nagito slowly touched Hajime's cheek to reassure him. He was really, really looking forward to what was next, but his main goal was to do his best not to trigger any bad memories. He knew how horrible it was to be in a really good situation and suddenly just being stabbed by remembering something that you wished to forget forever. He slowly gave him a kiss on the cheek and his hands started to crawl to his boyfriend's pants. He noticed that he was shaking a bit, and used his remaining arm to get him closer with a small hug. The situation was weird to both of them. Nagito was clearly inexperienced with the subject but was leading the whole situation, while Hajime wasn't doing anything when he could in fact do a lot. He was just focusing on the good things of the moment. 

"Can I ... Touch you ?"

"P-please ..."

Nagito's hand slowly started to touch his boyfriend's genials, rubbing the clearly sensitive parts in his fingers, constantly checking with his eyes if everything was okay. Apparently, it was clearly more than okay. Hajime was panting and moaning, whispering a few words that clearly meant that he wanted more. After a minute, Nagito rubbed his face over Hajime's shoulder and slowly got his jacket off. But once he was done, he noticed that something was ... Different. Hajime's face clearly wasn't the same as before, and his whole body was tense. 

"Hajime ? Are you alright ?"

"Wh.. yeah ! Of course ! You ... I ..."

"Are you sure ?"

His body wasn't moving at all, just like a scared little animal. He wasn't blushing anymore, instead, his face completely turned white-ish. 

"Listen, I don't want to force you to do anything. You're not compelled to do it just because I'm your boyfriend. I care about you. If you're not confortable with it, it's okay ? It's not like there's a time limit if you eventually want to do it one day"

There was, but right now was clearly not the time to mention it.

"Well I ... It's not that I don't want to do it. It's just that my body refuses it ... I'm sorry."

"Hey don't be sorry ! I mean, I'm not even that attractive so I'm sure it doesn't help."

"Wh- Hey ! Stop saying that ! You're very attractive !"

"I'm pretty much the human form of a mollusc !"

"Well then you're a very sexy snail."

Both just exploded with laughter after that last comment. It felt pretty nice to see the pressure had completely vanished in a few seconds. It was much better than some of the panic attacks Hajime had before, it was slow but he clearly was getting better. 

The night ended with the couple cuddling while watching some dump horror movie, while Nagito was constantly nagging about the fact that the characters were clearly stupid and that any Ultimate would have done better. While Hajime didn't necessarily agreed, it was still funny to watch his reactions. 

"Woaw ... That movie was dump."

"The characters were dump. The movie in itself was alright."

"What ?! Nagito, seriously, everything was stupid in this scenario !"

Nagito pouted for a few seconds before having a sudden realisation.

"Hey Hajime, do you know what time it is ?"

"About 1a.m ... Woaw time surely goes quickly when you're around. Thank god tomorrow's our day off."

"Hold on, I have to check something."

"What ?"

"Hope's peak was supposed to post our results at midnight. I did great but I'm a little scared for Mikan and Souda ... They both did mistakes because they were under a lot of pressure and I'm stressed about them."

Nagito got his phone out of his pocket, and quickly typed the address of Hope's peak website.   
And all Hajime could do was hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I post less often but yeah my health is going crazy and I can't find good ideas to write about and it SUCKS


	24. Chapter 24

Hope hope hope. Hajime's mind was just completely flooded with the idea of hope. He did his very best to stay in Hope's peak so he couldn't afford to lose anyone right now. That couldn't be possible right ? They were all Ultimates ! They couldn't fail, they were the very best, la crème de la crème, of all Japan !!

Nagito's hand was shaking a bit while quickly dashing through the results. They were pretty detailed for each student. Hajime never saw that in his own account on the website so he just assumed the fonction was only for the main course. 

"So... How did it go ..?"

"They ... All passed ! Everyone passed !! They did it !"

"R-really ?"

"Yes ! No had any bad grades, like at all ! Well... I mean, I shouldn't have doubted them. They're Ultimates after all. They're just the most important people there are on this academy. Well- besides you of course."

"They ? Aren't you including yourself in the class ?"

"Well I kinda- huh ..."

"Nagito ... Please, what did I said about stopping to say bad things about yourself ? I really don't want you to..."

I'm not including myself because I probably won't last enough to be important. Thoses words were so simple yet stuck on the lucky student's tongue. He wanted to say it. He needed to say it. Say it, for Hope's sake ! Say it !! Tell him what he needs to know !!

"I'm sorry, old habits taking place again ... I guess it's because I'm a bit tired huh."

"Well if you're tired you better go to bed. Don't overdo anything. I want you to take care of yourself, remember that."

"Thank you Hajime. I guess I should go to by bed then. See y-"

"Wait ! Huh ... May I ask you something ?"

"Yes ?"

"Do you think we could ... Try to sleep in the same bed ? If you're not uncomfortable with it ?"

Nagito blushed but quickly hided it with a more worried look. 

"I'm clearly not against it, but I'm concerned about you. You remember what happened last time you tried this ? You clearly weren't good after that."

"Yes I know but ... I really want to stay a bit more with you. I'm just, more comfortable when you're around you know ? I just want to sleep reassured. And ... I can't better if I never go out of my confort zone !"

"Alright, for tonight. If it goes well then maybe we'll try again but if doesn't, I'll sentence you to get under a blanket, eat cookies and ice cream and be cuddled all day !"

"Ooooh no ! How terrifying !"

"Is it ? I read that in a book and I thought it was funny but is it actually bad ?"

"Hahaha, don't worry Nagito, I was just being sarcastic."

Both of them walked to Nagito's room, and quickly got into Nagito's bed. Nagito was already in his pajamas and Hajime ... Hajime didn't really care about sleepy in his school uniform. After all, he had plenty now that Nagito helped him financially, plus it was pretty confortable.   
After laying down, Hajime's hands immediately reached for his boyfriend's. They were cold, very cold. Thankfully his were pretty hot, and his little gesture made Nagito a bit warmer. Hajime went pretty fast asleep whereas Nagito took a lot more time. He was thinking, about a lot of things. Too many things. So many things that after a good thirty minutes, he was completely lost in his own mind, and decided that it was better not to concentrate on it anymore. He closed his eyes as hard as he could to focus only on the warmth that Hajime brought him. He never had a bed so warm before. It felt ... Nice. 

The next morning, Hajime slowly woke up to a sweet hot chocolate scent. His mind was a bit fuzzy, but everything became clear slowly. Still, Nagito wasn't with him in his bed. Hajime was a bit confused but since there was this smell in the air, he was still in the house right ? To check that, Hajime quickly got out of bed and walked towards the living room where his found Komaeda laying down on the ground with a mug shattered besides him. 

"Nagito ?!"

"Oh hey Hajime- sorry, did I scare you ? I just tripped and it took me a few seconds to realise what happened haha"

"Of course you scared me ! How do you think I'd react, finding you laying down like that ! Plus, I was surprised that you weren't with me ..."

"Oh yes, about that... I was thinking that maybe the problem wasn't that you didn't like to sleep next to people but more that you were scared of waking up next to someone. So I got out of bed as soon as possible to check that ! So ... Did it work ?"

"Oh... Yes ?! It actually worked !"

"I'm so glad !"

Nagito hugged his boyfriend in the moment, mostly to rest upon his shoulders and for him not to notice that his legs were shaking. He was weak. Very, very weak. But he clearly wasn't going to let him know. He had to stay strong, for their own sakes. 

"Hey Hajime, I think we shouldn't move around too much this weekend. I had a lot of luck on my exam and I'm pretty sure that something bad will happen if I don't just stay home. So I thought of something... I don't know if you'll like it or if it's great but-"

"Awh come on, let it out already. Stop blaming yourself and start enjoying things without being worried that I might not like it."

"O-okay ! So ... This weekend. Just you and me. And a blanket. And lots of movies. And a bunch of snacks"

"That would be a great idea but ... Is it really good to just eat snacks all day ?"

"Awh come on Hajime, you're underweight and sugar can only help you out on that."

"Well ... Clearly I can't deny that."

"So is it okay with you ?"

"Of course."

And so, the couple spent the best weekend they could have thought of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I post fluff the more I think about the next chapters and honestly ? Can't wait to see your reactions


	25. Chapter 25

That weekend had been good. Too good. Nagito knew something bad would happen after that but he just kept denying it to focus on the fact that he was just happy. For once, he was truly happy.  
The day after that, school was up again. It was pretty hard to tell if Hajime was happy to see his friends again or if he wanted to just continue to stay with his boyfriend all day to do nothing but dump cheesy moves towards each other and eating whatever came near to his hand. As always, the bus came, they arrived in front of the main course's door and said goodbye to each other before going to their respective buildings. But right before leaving, Hajime left a quick kiss on Nagito's cheek. It was very smooth, so quick that it almost felt like a dream. The white haired boy took a second to realize what happened but once he got to, the reserve student had already left. Nagito shook his head, smiled and slowly walked towards his classmates.

"Hey Nagito !"

"Hello Souda !"

"Was that Hajime with you ? I could have swear that person left you with a kiss. You're seeing a cheek dude ?"

"It was Hajime but ... Maybe you were dreaming about the kiss part."

"Awh yeah, you're right. There's no way a guy would kiss another guy right ? It's only for lovers ... Yeah maybe one day I ... I ..."

"Yes, yes, I'm sure one day you'll find someone."

"Oh there is miss Sonia right there ! G-gotta go to see her, bye !!"

"Well ... Goodbye Souda !"

Nagito sat on a small bench next to Chiaki. She looked at him and nodded, quickly got back to her game and mumbled :

"Kazuichi's nice, but a bit of an idiot."

"Well Hajime told me that his crush on Sonia made him look like an idiot yes, but he's not that bad."

"I wasn't talking about that. Hajime definitely kissed you back there."

"Huuh-uh ?! You saw that ?!"

Chiaki quickly mashed a dozen of buttons and turned around to look at Nagito in the eyes. 

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

She then retuned to her game, being as concentrated as she could, probably not even listening to anything anymore.

"Well... Thanks Chiaki."

The bell rang in the whole school and everyone got up on their feet to go the classroom if the day.

"Chiaki ? The bell rang. You should go with us and continue playing in class."

"Can't. Too focused. Come later."

"You're playing Pokemon ... I thought that game was supposed to be played turn by turn ?"

"Yes. But I need concentration. I'm playing a nuzlock. If my Pokemon is Ko'd it dies."

"I see, that's why you're the ultimate gamer ... Well then good luck, I'll tell Chisa." 

Nagito smiled and slowly walked behind the rest of the class, who were talking about pretty much anything. Everyone was relieved that they passed the exam and it showed. Thank goodness everyone felt at ease again. 

"Hello everyone ! I think you already all know what I'm going to say but congratulations on your scores on this first exam ! Everyone was incredible !"

"Thank you Miss Chisa !"

"Everyone, gather ! I really want to take a photo, I'm sure it'll bring out so much memories when we'll all look at it after we graduate !"

"Oh yeah, great idea Mahiru ! Hold on, I need to bring my guitar right here-"

"Okay, I'll make a few preparations until you come back, Ibuki."

"Hey can you try to get Chiaki while you're at it ? She's still outside to play and she might forget that she's in school."

"Not prob Mister Luckster !"

"Hey Fuyuhiko ...? I think it'll be better if you don't have your gun in hand in that pic ..."

"Wad'ya want, Souda ?! Don't fuck with me, I do whatever I fucking want !"

"I wasn't trying to mess around with you dude, I was just sayin' it'll be happier if you didn't have a deadly weapon in hand... I mean, even Peko put her sword down ! That's like, her whole thing !"

"Okay, I'll put it down, but don't fucking dare reduce Peko to her sword ever again."

Nagito watched everyone wandering around to find things for the photo or asking for advices from Mahiru that usually resulted in "just be yourself !". Nagito was just ... Sitting. Somehow he wasn't even paying that much attention to the Ultimates, that surrounded him, which was a bit unusual. He was feeling ... Weird. It was kind of difficult to describe, he was completely conscious of what was happening around him but his body felt detached from his mind. Just like if his soul was just floating around and his body just ... Laying there. 

"Ibuki is back ! She's got her guitar and is ready for the photo ! WOHOOOO !!!"

"Calm down you bitch you're making a mess around ! I'll make you pay if you ruin Mahiru's photo !"

"It's okay Hiyoko, everything's fine. Nagito, are you coming ?"

He wanted to answer but his lips weren't opening. In fact, nothing in his body responded. Nagito moved his hand, slowly stood up on his feet and just ... Collapsed on the ground. 

"Nagito ?!"

He didn't understand what was happening. His eyes were closed so he couldn't see a thing but he was clearly hearing everyone shouting around him. The pain he felt from the fall felt distant. As if he was just watching someone who falled and thought that something like that would certainly hurt a lot. 

"Nagito ?! Nagito was you hear us ?!"

"Hey Mikan !! Can you tell us what the fuck's going on ?!"

"I-I think he passed out, but I really can't tell... I think I'll have to bring him t-to the nursery ..."

Pass out ? No Nagito hadn't passed out, he was clearly hearing them. Why couldn't he tell them that ? Why wasn't his body responding ?!

"Do you want me to carry him there ?"

"Y-yes that would be appreciated ! Thank you Akane !"

Chisa was completely white. Even if in her formation she was taught how to react in situations like theses, the tests were clearly far from what she had to face. 

"No. Don't bring him to the nursery."

"W-what do you-"

"Call an ambulance, right now. Tell them to be as quick as possible."

Hajime's morning had ended. The class was boring as always but still, having the spend the next hour with his best friends and his boyfriend clearly was something that maintained him awake throughout the hours.  
But something was different.  
He walked towards the entry, expecting to see Nagito but he was nowhere to be seen.  
Instead, Chiaki was standing there, with a pretty dark expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uuuh ... Welcome to angst !  
I just went out of the hospital and I'm super tired so I'm taking my time a bit <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : this chapter and the ones that will follow will contain a lot of scenes that may disturb people who had close ones who were severely Ill.  
If you do not want to read something like that please do not continue.

Hajime was very surprised to see that Nagito wasn't there but Chiaki wasn't too far from him. She was probably his best friend and clearly, he was a bit happy to see her. But her face carried a very unusual expression. He quickly went through the entry to see her and ask her what was up.

"Hey Chiaki, why are you here ? I thought the class agreed that Nagito was the one who was to bring me to the class ?"

"Nagito isn't in school right now."

Wasn't he ? Oh, it might have been another doctor appointment. He had thoses pretty often, and honestly it wasn't surprising since he did have cancer. Hajime was just surprised that Nagito haven't told him about it, he usually was very explicit when that happened.

"Oh, another doctor appointment ? Sorry, he didn't told me about it this time."

Chiaki sighed and turned her head. She clearly wasn't confortable with the situation but was doing her best for it. 

"Nagito went to the hospital this morning. He passed out in the beginning of the class and Chisa immediately called an ambulance. After that we ... The class was dismissed for the morning and she told us that we had to talk during lunchtime. I'm pretty sure you want to know what she has to say so ... You're welcome to come too."

"Wha... Wha..."

"Listen Hajime, I ... I don't really know what to say. I know that you and Nagito are really close and that's why I think you should come to us. If you feel bad or angry ... It'll be better to share it with us. Because if you don't we won't be able to help you get theses feelings out."

Hajime slowly nodded and followed Chiaki towards the classroom but had no idea of what he agreed to. His mind just went ... Completely blank. He wasn't sure if it was because of too much informations or if his brain just decided to erase all at once for him not to think too much about it but he felt mindless. He just kept walking and walking, almost taking every wall there was in his face and continue to think about nothing. But everything became clear when he entered the class. Everyone was gathered in the front rows and Chisa was waiting in front of them.

"Oh, Hajime ! You're finally here. Thank you for getting him. You two may sit with everyone."

"Hey, why are you being so overdramatic right now ? Nagito always forget to eat and just passes out. I don't understand how could you FORGET TO EAT but it happened a few times already, no big deal right ?"

"Well then Akane ... Sadly, Nagito isn't just in bad shape because he forgot to take care of himself properly. Right now, he's at the hospital."

Hajime went completely white. He had no idea of what might happen next but he was sure if one thing : he didn't like where this was going. 

"The hospital ..?"

"Yes. And sadly, Nagito probably won't come back to our class."

Chisa's tone was definitely darker, and he'd voice squeaked at the end ofher sentence.

"He got out of Hope's Peak ? Man, I know this man was always saying he didn't belong here with us but isn't starving himself to death a bit brutal ?"

Chisa took a deep breath and did her best to smile. 

"Kazuichi, I don't think you understood what I meant. And that's okay, the situation is a little difficult to comprehend. You all are still very young and you probably never thought you will get through this so soon in your life."

The whole class went silent, listening to their teacher. Some already understood what kind of situation this was, some had no idea but were too curious to ask anything and there was Hajime. Je didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to believe in anything. This wasn't real. This was a dream right ? He was still sleeping with Nagito cuddling him and his mind was so filled with his image that even his nightmares were about him. 

"What I meant is, Nagito isn't getting out of the hospital ever again. He knew this was going to happen but hide it from you all because he didn't want anyone to act differently about him. I had a phone call with him after he woke up a few hours ago. He said that he wanted that you all know about that."

"W-why won't he g-get out of the hospital ? If i-it is a disease he will be treated, right ?"

"Mikan, I wish it was this simple... I... I want to make things clear to you all. I don't have all the infos about Nagito's state but what I can say is that he has a pretty aggressive type of cancer. He had been diagnosed just before entering Hope's Peak but-"

"Why didn't go through a treatment to get rid of it then ?! That was, like, months ago !"

"Calm down Kazuichi, there is a good reason behind it. When he got the diagnosis, it was sadly already too late. Nagito couldn't be cured and his choice was to deny any exhausting treatment and to live his life to the fullest with you all."

From the beginning, Chisa was doing her best to stay professional and keep everything together, but that was too luch for her. The tears she had kept so much started to be shed massively. 

"Nagito really loved and admired you all and because of that he did his best to stay with you until the day he couldn't bear it anymore. I know that most of you weren't really fond of him but I can tell you that his feelings were genuine. I don't know how long he will last but apparently all the doctors are sure that he won't be able to come here again. Right now his health is in a critical state but... He ... He wanted to make sure that you know that he believed in all of you and your hopes..."

Chisa just exploded in tears, while Sonia and Chiaki rushed to her side to help her calm down. The whole class seemed very, very confused, a mix of a pretty big shock and the fact that everyone was just kind of lost everything that has been said.  
Everyone was getting up and discussing the situation with small talks. "No way ..." "It can't be ..." "Why didn't he tell us anything ..?"

But one person was still laying on the ground  
Hajime couldn't get up.  
Because getting up would tell him that this wasn't a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha angst   
No to be a bit more serious  
I took a lot of time writing this chapter and the ones that followed because I had these kind of situation in my life and I thought that it would be interesting to write this as closely to reality as possible   
Sadly I think it can be a bit too realistic and I'm super stressed about it so yeah uuuh   
Sorry about that


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like the last one, this chapter will contain themes that might really trigger some people, about important terminal illnesses so please be conscious of it and stay safe everyone !

After a few minutes, Chisa started to calm down. Chiaki stayed besides her, to help her with everything, as her teacher started to speak again. 

"If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask them. Like I said I-I don't know everything but I'm here to guide you all right now."

The class stayed silent for a while but a voice finally rose up. 

"Hey, is it possible for us to ask the school for a few hours off to go see him ?"

Hajime slowly turned his head to see who was speaking. His mind was way too blurry for him recognize the voice. It was Kazuichi. He was standing right in the middle of the classroom, a bit shaking. 

"I admit it, maybe I wasn't the kindest one to Nagito but ... I don't want to be a total asshole and not say goodbye, especially since I know that he truly was interested by me. But ... I really don't have free time outside of school. Y'a know, my family's buisness is super small and if I don't help on the weekend they wouldn't have enough for the month..."

"I thought this would happen. I asked the administration about it. They thought that it would be better to give the class the day off today if you want to say a proper goodbye to him and to process everything. And also you'll get the rest you need after ... After that day. We know that it'll be hard and we agreed that rushing you would be a bad thing."

Ibuki put her hand on the reserve student's shoulder, which got him back to reality for a second.

"What about Hajime ?! Doesn't he get to rest ?! He's like, you know, the closest to Nagito here !"

"I really don't know about that, sorry. The instructions were only about the Ultimates." 

Hajime's heart started to slow down, he clearly was loosing track of everything what was happening at the moment everything was turning white and it took him a pretty long time to see that someone was, in fact, shaking him back to consciousness.

"Hajime ! Hajime ! Hey, are alright ?! Can you hear me dude ?!"

"Ok course he's not fucking alright, haven't you fucking listened for ten seconds you pink bitch ?!"

"Shut up Fuyuhiko we need to get him not to pass out or this will get worse ! Mikan, can we do something about this stuff ?! Hey !!"

"Ah- Y-yes ! Please help me to bring him into the nurse's office, I'll do something for him !!"

Mikan rushing down to him was the last thing Hajime could distinguish before having his vision completely blurred out. 

And when he got back on Earth, he was in a completely different room. 

"Wh ... Wha ...? Where am I ?"

"You passed out. Mikan brought you here with the others hoping you wouldn't pass out but ... That wasn't the case, its nearly the end of the day."

Hajime slowly turned his head to see Chiaki, sitting in a small chair next to the bed he was laying down on. She was playing on her DS, apparently more to avoid eye contact this time. 

"... I already had a pretty good idea of what miss Chisa was going to say but it was just ... Very hard for me to tell you. Maybe I should have. I know this is still a very big shock for you but ... I..."

She suddenly closed her DS in a little "clap" and stayed silent, starring at the floor. 

"I'm sorry for Nagito. I'm not sure of what was happening between you two but I guess it was related to your sudden change of state. I noticed signs of Nagito being weaker whereas people thought he was only lacking any kind of physical activity. I knew something was off. I've seen him rarely eating for lunch. I've seen him genuinely scared each time we mentioned Mikan's work in hospitals. But I guess I prefered imagining that it was just a coincidence and think we'll all have a beautiful happing ending for graduation like there is in school games."

Hajime processed everything Chiaki said, and without any warning, tears started rolling down of his cheeks. It even surprised him. He wasn't out of breath nor had any typical bad physical reaction, he just had tears falling uncontrollably from his eyes. The boy tried to stop them with a few whippes of his sleeves but it was just pouring down like rain. 

"So ... This is real huh. What I've heard ... It was real."

"Yes. Hajime, are you-"

"I think I'm still okay. Look, I'm not even shaking. It's ... A lot. To understand. I've got maybe to many things to process lately. I've gotten a new house, a new life, got closer to my friends, had been taking care of myself, got a boyfriend and ... Now I also need to understand that I've got to loose him ? That's ... A lot ... Lot ..."

"Do you need anything Hajime ...?"

"I think ... I can't back down. If I see him ... Maybe I'll understand better ? Is that going to ... I don't know if I'll be okay. But I think it's the best decision to take. Because right this morning I was ... Touching him and ... He was with me and so happy and smiling ... I just ..."

"Hajime ..."

"Even in class I miss him. Even when I'm getting in my bed to sleep I miss him. How can a person that I've met like a month ago be so into my mind ? Into all of my days ? And how could he not be after that ?"

The bell rang 

"..."

"..."

Hajime slowly stood up, taking his time. His legs were shaking a bit, like telling him that he should stay in bed for the rest of his life and just ignoring what was happening outside. 

But he couldn't. 

He took a few steps and felt something getting around his chest, hugging him from behind.

"Please Hajime ... Take care."

He pat Chiaki's head, clenched his fist and slowly walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theses chapters are taking more time because I really want to focus on the important parts of the story, thank you all for being patient !


	28. Chapter 28

It felt strange to take the bus alone. Especially since he was going in a completely different direction this time. Hinata felt an emptiness that he never experienced in the past, like he needed something warm to rest on his shoulder once again. He was clenching teeth and fists, hoping for ... Something. Hope huh. That was kind of ironic to think about it at the moment. He didn't know what to hope for but this word was filling his mind. Maybe a form a protection from his brain he thought. He couldn't hope for anything but the impossible apparently, but didn't it work in the past ? Or was it just chance ? Luck maybe ? Not even his own luck, since he was with someone helping him to get that. Maybe he was influencing the luck of others ? Or was Hajime just mad because everything around him felt like it was getting from bad to the best to the worst. 

The bus stopped. He had no other choice that to get out and see the hospital by himself.   
It was some kind of large grey building, kind of shaped like an O, with a little green spot in the middle for the patients to take a break. It felt like a prison, a mental prison where no one can espace their own minds. He slowly walked towards one of the spots were informators were placed for people that were lost. Hinata felt out of place compared to every people he saw. Old people walking slowly to get to elevators. Young children completely bald playing in waiting rooms. Young girls walking with blood pockets attached to them, apparently tired of everything they could hear and see in their white paper-made outfits. Hajime never went to an hospital before. He never was sick enough to get to this kind of place, he just had the inevitable cold that every kid got once in a while but that was pretty much it. He never imagined that the whole place was this inconfortable. He waited a few minutes until he was called by small middle aged women to get the infos he needed. 

"So, why are you here ?"

"I'm uuuh ... Here for a friend ? His name is Nagito Komaeda. He should be in one of your rooms. I think."

The little women quickly tapped something on her computer mechanically, and brought her glasses up.

"Name, age and profession ?"

"I'm Hajime Hinata. I'm 19 and I'm a se- ... I'm a student at Hope's peak academy."

She began to tap again and printed a small sheet of white stickers with little writings on them. 

"Theses will be your way to pass here for visits so don't loose them. I see your friend is in the cancerology departement, and if the plannings are respected he should be under chemotherapy at the moment, so you'll have to wait a bit before you see him."

She grabbed his wrist and slapped one of the stickers on it.

"You can't enter the place without being disinfected properly and getting a mask, so try to get them while he's not available. The treatment should be over at around 8 p.m. Goodbye."

Hajime slowly walked out of the room a bit confused, looking at his wrist and trying to get were the place he was supposed to get the masks from was. After loosing himself in the place ( he never imagined it would be so hard to tell differences between the parts of the hospital ) he finally got to a small waiting room near the cancerology departement. It was completely empty and the fact that it was so late made it even creepier. He collapsed onto one of the chair, looking at the ceiling. Weirdly enough it was covered in childish but pretty detailed drawings, very colorful and honestly not so bad to look at. Weird animals, vibrant colors and multiple manga characters all drawn apparently by hand. 

"Aren't theses nice ? They were made by one of my classmates back in the day when we were at Hope's peak. She though that children that had to lay down all day probably had very boring times so she made it to keep them untertained."

Hajime's body shook and he immediately looked down to see who was talking to him. It was someone he did met before, starring at the ceiling. 

"Rantaro ?! What are you doing here ?!"

"Hey ! I'm just getting a bunch of vaccines for my next trip in Amazonia, they've got pretty nasty things there so I gotta be careful. The tropical department had used their whole stock so I had to travel right up here to get the last shots they have in the place."

"Oh."

So he wasn't sick.

"What about you ? You seemed super tired. Did something happened ? What are you doing in such place ?"

"Today I learned that ... Uh... Nagito. He had Lymphomia and he's in.... A very bad shape. From now on he won't be returning from school and I have to get here so ... Yeah ..."

"Awh man. I'm so sorry, I'm stupid. I should have guessed so. Gosh not only I'm the worst brother ever but I'm even a bad person with people I barely know ..."

"I-it's alright ! You couldn't have known ! I mean, even I didn't know about it until noon ! I'm just ... Very stressed because I don't know much about it."

"To be fair, not only people don't get a lot of infos on how cancers work but this one is even weirder. It's not a part of the body that doesn't work but rather the entire body and it's pretty fucked up to cure ... I know someone who's working on treatments but even as an expert he's kinda lost. So yeah, sorry dude."

"It's okay. At least I know there's no cure, so that explains why he didn't talked to me about it. It's ... Not comforting but I think he meant well by doing it."

"I'm pretty sure he did ! He's a bit weird but he does look nice."

Someone opened the door of the waiting room and called 

"Hello, next patient please."

"I believe it's your turn Hajime. Good luck, stay strong."

"Thank you Rantaro. See you another time maybe ?"

"Yeah, whenever you want as long as I'm not at the other side of the world !"

Hajime smiled and sat at the doctor's desk. He showed him the paper stuck on his wrist and the man quickly rose, took a few paper masks and a weird bomb looking like some deodorant. He splashed a good part of the bottle on the surprised young man and gave him the rest. 

"One paper mask per visit, don't get it off or you'll have to throw it and get another one. You will need to disinfect yourself each time you enter with this bottle."

And with that he pushed the very confused boy out of the room. He blinked, looked at the supplies that were given to him and began to slowly walk to find the room.   
Room 315 ...  
Room 316 ...  
Here it was.  
Room 317.   
He stood silent a good minute in front of the door. Was he ready ? How did his boyfriend looked behind this door ? How would he react ? How would Nagito react ? What was going to-  
No.  
Hajime took every bit of energy he had left and bursted the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone ! Thank you all so much for being patient. I'm having difficulties to write about hospitals and all lately because of my health but I'm slowly getting back to it.


End file.
